Monday, March 26, 2012

Nanny 9-1-1

Okay, I am going to admit right now, lately I feel as though I stink at parenting.  I scream and yell all the time, even over silly little things like spilling water on the kitchen floor.  I don't stop and play or read to the kids like I used to.  And it's all showing!

I feel like I've completely lost control over my children.  They are all so hyper and active all day long and I just can't seem to keep up.  They don't respond to me anymore no matter how loud or soft my voice is.  I feel like I don't sound authoritative any more to them because I'm all they hear day in and day out.  If Jesse says something to them, they shape right up!  It's becoming very frustrating.

I'm also getting very frustrated with myself.  I know I can be a better parent than this.  I also know that I've ridden the "I'm exhausted from my life" train way too long. 

I know this is not okay and I need to bounce back into my parenting full force.  I just have to.

People keep telling me it's okay to be this way.  Or that I'm a good mother no matter what.  That I shouldn't be so hard on myself.  I've listened to them and blindly went along thinking I was doing a good job.  But I'm not!

I have considered writing to the Nanny 9-1-1 or SuperNanny shows.  I could really use some advice from someone who witnesses it all first hand.  Someone objective, probably not from friends or family...  They are usually bias or compare my situation to theirs.  I'm not a spanker or a yeller by nature, so I need to find parenting techniques that really work for me and the kids.  But, I truly believe my biggest problem is I used to be hands on and now I'm not.  I sit back and just "bark" orders out and no one listens.  Hands on definitely seems to be the better choice in our household.

Instead of always just saying that my kids come first, I need to get back to making them come first.  Even if I feel too tired to chase them around the playground or even go outside for that matter.  Even if one more piggy back ride seems just painful.  Even if I just sat down and hear a cry from the other room... I need to get up and deal with my life.

Starts today, period.

Hugs ~B.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Time to be selfish

I realized today that I rarely do things for myself.  This includes just about everything from prioritizing my likes and interests to buying myself decent clothing to doing everyday things like showering or styling my hair.  Yes I shower, but not daily anymore.  I skip it to have more time to clean or make my kids look good.  I know it's not good to avoid the me things in life, but I haven't found a great way to balance all of my time.  I'm not very good at leaving things for tomorrow.  If the house needs to be cleaned, I feel as though it can't wait.  When in reality it can.

I've come up with the idea to reintroduce 2 things a week that I need to do for myself or things that I enjoy doing.  My goal every week will be to incorporate those things into our daily routines and lives.  These things will be as simple as showering daily to as complex as making time for me while still being a good parent.

This week I am starting with brushing my teeth twice a day (at least) and remembering to take my medication twice daily.  My doctor put me on medication because my body doesn't utilize the insulin it makes to it's fullest degree.  No, this is not diabetes, it's called insulin resistant.  The meds help my body use the insulin it creates to it's fullest potential.  When I remember to take the pills, I have more energy through out my day and sleep better at night.  However, I am horrible with remembering to take them. 

I have also gotten lazy on the parenting front.  I let things slide or slip away because I'm too worn out or don't feel like dealing with it.  That's not fair to my kids.  Children thrive on routines and our kids don't really have one.  That is something we need to change and I plan to start that as well.  I figure if I'm on a mission to better myself, we as a family might just as well go right along with me!  I'm coming up with a check list of things that need to be done every day for the kids.  I'm also coming up with a check list of things they need to do to get ready for bed every night.  Then I will laminate the lists and let them check off the things with a dry erase marker each day.  I hope they will enjoy taking ownership for what they do AND being allowed to actually use a marker makes it all that much better! :o)  These check lists will replace their chore charts and they will still be able to earn their rewards each week with this system.

I pray that all of my changes to our lives will help me to keep pushing through my own journey.  I pray it will help me get back to the person I used to be and help me to be the best I can be for not only myself but my kids as well.  I also pray it sets the example for my kids that there are things in life that must be done in order to do the things we want to be done.  I also hope it helps them follow directions and rules a little better so I won't be so worried to take them out and do things with them.

All of these changes are really for me in an attempt to regain the control and order that has been lacking in my life since we got married.  I feel as though I'm being selfish.  Maybe I'm not.  But either way I don't care.  I need to try and if I'm wrong I will definitely be the first to admit it.

Hugs ~ B.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Challenge accepted!

So today I made up my mind to challenge myself as I had mentioned in my blog from a few days ago.  I will outline my challenge in a little bit.  But first I need to say that I am nervous.  I am nervous that I will not do well, that I will fail...  However, I need to try.  Even if only a fraction of good comes out of this challenge I will be ecstatic!

Here's how things will go:

1. NO more pop
2. Complete the 16 minute Jillian Michaels workout 5 days a week
3. Complete either relaxation pilates or fat burning pilates daily (it takes less than half an hour)
4. Make the healthier choices in food, even if it's a small thing (like spray butter over tub or stick)
5. Do something outside daily as weather allows. IE walk, garden, chase kids, bike ride
6. Prioritize sleep over cleaning and other things I think are necessary but prolly are not... =)

I am not going to measure success in pounds or inches lost.  I am going to measure success by how well I am able to follow these "rules."  I want this to challenge Me to change my ways at a pace that will stick. 

I'm not a very healthy eater, but I want to be. I am starting with what I think is the worst thing I put in my body, pop.  I'm also not a very dedicated exerciser.  That's why I really want to give this new workout a try, because it's short and Jillian "promises" you can't plateau or get bored.  I also tend to be a hermit and stay inside as much as possible and I realize that is not fair to my kids who NEED to be outside to burn energy and be healthy, active kids.  I also suffer from insomnia and I really must get past it.  My sleep specialist says it takes a lot of time and conditioning of my body to sleep when and how long I need to. 

I don't feel you can put a goal on these things, however, I am going to reevaluate in a month.  That is the day before we head off on vacation.  I probably won't exercise as much, but will be walking all day all week.  I also won't be eating as healthy because it will be all restaurants...  So I figure that is a good way to judge if what I am doing helps at all.  Because after my 5 days "off" I will either see a difference in the way I feel and look or will see no difference.  If there is no difference, then I will know my challenge was not as effective as I would have liked and will have to change something.  Does that all makes sense?  I hope so, because it does in my mind!

Here's to wishing myself a lot of luck and success!

Hugs ~ B.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Words cannot do these feelings justice.

It's going on 3 years since I lost my Dad to cancer.  Today is just as painful as the day he left.  I'm sure I'm not the only one in this world who has ever felt this way.  But, in my family (the 6 of us), I am alone in my feelings.  The kids were so little when he passed that they barely remember him.  Keldan was just a month old so he will never remember.  Jesse has yet to loose anyone even remotely close to him and currently has a dad and a father.  Not to mention he is not nearly as close to any of his parents as I am to mine.

Today has been especially hard.  These days happen from time to time.  Today was one of them because I really needed my confidant.  You see, I talked to my dad every day for probably the last 5 years of his life.  And before that I lived at home so I saw him everyday.  I know most daughters go to their mothers for advice and to just chat.  For me it was my dad.  I went to him for just about everything.  He and I had the same thought process, we looked at things the same way.  We had a lot of the same views and opinions.  Kindred spirits is the way I like to look at our relationship.

To say he was my best friend doesn't do it justice.  He was my comrade. My confidant.  My rock.  My hero.  He taught me to stand up for myself.  He taught me the "arts" of life.  Because there is "an art to doing everything in this world, including melting butter in a frying pan."  Yup, he said that to me one day when he was trying to teach me to cook something.  :-)

I miss him.  I long to hear his voice.  I do miss his voice most of all because it meant he was here, somewhere on this world.  It meant he was giving me advice or harassing the hell out of me or someone else.  It meant we were arguing... I loved arguing with my dad, it's just the way we communicated.  We argued over everything.  It was the way of life.  Neither of us were usually upset with the other, but in this way we hashed out all that was bothering us in our individual lives.  We were probably arguing over a sporting event or something in the news, but it meant so much more than that.  I wish I could explain it here, but I can't.  I talked about it with Jesse tonight and he understood completely what I was saying, mostly because he witnessed it.

I miss his smile and his chuckle.  His snicker because he thought he was right, always right.  I miss seeing his eyes light up when the kids laughed or called him Grandpa.  I miss seeing the pride on his face when our whole family was together.  He lived for us.  Day in and day out was for his family.  It's why he kept going with chemo when the doctors told him it was time to think about just enjoying what time he had left.  It's why he drove 2 hours to see Keldan be born even though he could barely walk.

I recently found a CD with a short video on it of a trip my parents took to Arizona.  They went there every year to visit friends and get a break from the snow.  I couldn't see my dad in the video but I could hear his voice in the background talking to someone about appliances of all things...  He was an appliance repairman by trade and loved to share his knowledge with people.  So the conversation didn't surprise me.  What did surprise me were the instantaneous tears when I heard his voice.  I think I listened to that CD at least 32 times that night.  It was less than a minute long, but it felt like a lifetime to hear his voice!  Oh how I will cherish that sill CD forever now.

I watch so many people in my life around me who just don't cherish it.  They don't cherish what they have, instead they are worried about what they don't.  They worry over other people, whom they have no control over.  They smoke like chimneys or drink like fish....  They are wasting their lives away and don't care because "it'll never happen to them."  I see, know and am related to so many people who think or act like they will live forever.  There's always tomorrow.  Well I'm here to tell you there's not always tomorrow.

The last day I saw my dad alive was July 18, 2009.  I remember it very well because it was Dominic's birthday party.  My entire immediate family came down to have our first complete family picture taken.  My dad complained the whole time because he had to get up so early and the portrait studio was so cold (to him anyways).  He wasn't feeling good and that was very apparent.  When he left my house that day, he came to say goodbye.  I had just gotten over a cold and didn't want to get him sick so told him he shouldn't hug or kiss me at all because with the chemo he didn't have an immune system.  He told me it didn't matter, he was gonna hug his daughter anyways and then he kissed my cheek.  I told him I'd see him the following weekend, he smile, nodded his head and slowly walked to his car.  It was the last time I saw him "alive."

Two days later, on Dominic's 4th birthday, I got a call at 4 o'clock in the morning from my brother that Dad was at the hospital and they were gonna put him on a respirator because he couldn't breath very well on his own.  I had known since the night before that he was at the hospital with pneumonia.  Jesse works 3rd shift and we only had one car at the time, so he came home and drove me to Ludington while my aunt, who was visiting to help with the new baby, stayed with the kids.  I got there around 7 am.  It was a long day of nothing improving.  He couldn't really talk to us because of the respirator.  He died that night at 11:55 pm and a part of me died with him. 

I will never be whole again, of that I am sure.  Like I said, we were kindred spirits and a part of me is now gone.

I've been struggling the last couple of weeks with my life and my body/weight issues.  And tonight I realized why I just can't seem to get past my bad mood.  It's my dad that I would have called or visited to work through everything with.  I've tried talking with both Jesse and my mom as well as a couple friends, but it's just not the same.  I have been bottling this stuff up inside for over 2 years because I just can't find someone who understands nearly like Dad would.  I know I need to let this go and move on, but I'm struggling to figure out how.

What I wouldn't give to talk to him once in awhile.  Even just one more time.  But I know I will eventually just wish for yet another one more time.

So here it is.  I'm writing this all down to help me.  I need to hash this out.  I hope that by thinking these things through and being honest with myself and writing them down, I will somehow be able to move on.



I've read and reread this blog post.  It is hard to stop and I feel like I'm rambling.  So for now, I'm done.  I know I will write again about my Dad or maybe to my Dad.  But for tonight, this is all I have.  No point, no sense of anything, just a lot of random feelings that need an outlet.

I miss you Daddy.  I love you, too!  I hope you are at peace and smiling down on me.  Please, if you could, just a little guidance somehow will be so appreciated.  I think about you everyday and remember you like it was just yesterday.  xoxo

Hugs ~ B.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Ready for a challenge?

Am I ready to challenge myself in the workout/healthy lifestyle area of my life?  I really don't know.  I really, really want to, but I really, really don't want to fail.  I think if I fail, I will quit trying and I definitely don't want that!  Also, I'm tired of failing.  So my dilemma becomes do I or don't I.  And if I do, how much would be too much or too little?  I guess I'm looking for some advice here.

My challenge idea revolves around the idea that I have the trip of a life time coming up, Walt Disney World!  My in laws are taking our family and we leave April 23rd.  That gives me 36 days to accomplish as much as possible.  It's also a great kick start for summer softball training and conditioning...  As well as setting the pace for the rest of my life!

What I was thinking is this:

*5 days a week, doing my 16 minute Jillian Michaels workout
*3 days a week going for a jog or brisk walk
*7 days a week of relaxation pilates or 3-5 days a week of toning pilates

*NO more pop
*NO more restaurant food (for the 36 days and then only if necessary like when traveling)

*Follow my portions and guidelines given by my nutritionist (follow to a "T")

Does this seem like a lot to ask?  I've drastically cut down on the pop and restaurant food, so giving it up doesn't seem that hard.  I've also cut back on my portions, but don't always make the best choices for my food so following guidelines may prove more difficult.

The part I'm worried about sticking to is the exercise.  I think I can do at least half of it, but I really do want to challenge myself.  And I think the relaxation pilates might help with my sleeping issues.  However, my mid section is driving me nuts right now, so I thought that area may be better to focus on. IDK.

I'm not giving myself a weight goal or an inches lost goal.  My only goal is to do these things as indicated.  If I do that each and everyday of the next 36 days, then I will consider myself successful and my challenge completed!

Please, if you've read this blog, give me some advice!  If you can't post it here, send me a private message on FB.  Thanks! =)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I suppose, if I have to, I guess... >:- /

Alright, here's the deal.  I hate working out!  I don't feel as though I have time for it.  I'm NOT a morning person...  If I don't have to be up, then I'm not going to be.  Working out during the day will never happen for me because the kids are home and for some strange reason I feel funny trying to exercise in front of them.  Though I should because it'd be setting a great example.  And night time is not really a great time either, because after over 12 hours of being with kids, I want me time!  I want time to sit and relax as well as do chores that don't get done while they are awake.

This leaves me with what I feel are good excuses to not exercise.  But the reality is, no excuse is a good enough one.  I need to quit that.  I need to just make the change.  I need to give up that me time or start waking up earlier.  I mean, I woke up early my entire life.  Until after I was done with college.  When I didn't find my career job, I started sleeping in and working nights as a waitress.  This led to a very bad routine for me that I am having a hard time shaking.  Yes, I do have to get up to get Dominic off to school, however, Jesse gets home at the same time he has to wake up and lately has been letting me sleep a bit longer!  Man I love that guy!!  Because sleep for me is hard to come by.  When my dad passed away I developed insomnia and it just won't go away!  I have the hardest time falling asleep.  And I'm usually up once during the night with a child, so my sleep gets interrupted.  After the last almost 3 years of this, I have a ton of sleep to catch up on...  And Jesse has been trying to let me do just that.

However, I think this is making me lazy.  I am having an even harder time getting moving in the morning.  Being that I want to go back to work once the twins are in kindergarten, I had better get used to getting up early!  So, now's the time to change.  Because I do want to. 

I need to make my life better for me.  For my kids.  For my husband.  I need to start doing things for me, like exercising.  Or daily showers.  Or putting make-up on once in awhile.  Or getting dressed instead of sweats all day.  Yup, it's true, I've fallen into the homebody lifestyle and only do these things when absolutely necessary.  And it's not okay.  It used to be, but now it's not because I don't like myself this way.  I'm not a lazy person and I need to find myself again.

So, to start, I am going to try to get up a little earlier and workout.  I found a routine that only takes 16 minutes by Jillian Michaels.  The problem currently is I have to order the magazine or go to the library and copy the article because it was January's issue the article was in... and February's issue is on the stands now.  Grrr... That's just my luck.

But anyways, I figure I can handle 16 minutes a day.  Then a shower and get dressed.  I hope this leads to more energy through out my day and can take the kiddos on a walk or bike ride or play at the park later in the afternoon.  Hopefully, if I get them out and wear off some of their energy, they will be more ready for bed at 8 o'clock instead of battling with them to stay in bed until 9!  Then I would still have some me time and could go to bed when Jesse heads to work at 10:30. 

Sounds perfect, now it's just getting it rolling and keeping it there!  Wish me luck.

Hugs ~ B.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Fate is not a choice!

I am going to put a disclaimer on this blog right now!  It may come across one way to one person and another way to another person...  I am not by any means regretting my life, but trust me I do have a lot on my mind about what fate has given me and I'm stressed out!  So you may think I'm ungrateful at the end, but trust me I'm not... I'm just worn out.  Beyond actually.

Let me set a couple of things straight right here and now, I did NOT choose this life.  I did not choose 4 kids, I was given 4 kids.  As a matter of a fact, I tried to prevent 2 of them and the other 2, well you don't get to choose twins, they just happen and they can happen to ANYONE.

I do understand that when I was younger, per say 16-22 year old, I dreamed of one day having 4 kids.  I even dreamed of what twins would be like because they fascinate me!  However, that was before I had any sort of grasp on what raising a child would entail.  That was also before I spent around $60,000 to become a teacher and was not able to find a job. 

Once I had our first baby, I realized 2 kids were going to be plenty.  We also discussed maybe adopting a third because my husband was adopted and he always wanted to pay it forward and make another child's life as good as his parents did his.

However, this is not what life planned for me.  We did not plan our first baby, he just happened, even though we took measures to prevent him.  We did plan our second baby and got the surprise of a lifetime with our third because she was the twin.  Then we decided our plate was overfull and yet ended up with a fourth baby (again tried to prevent him).  The hardest thing with the 4th is he is only 15 months younger than the twins... They may as well have been triplets, it would have been easier in the long run!

Please do not think I regret any of my kids, because I don't.  They are my life, they are the reason I stay home (even when it drives me crazy).  They have become my heart and soul.  I would have never traded them for anything and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing because then they wouldn't be here.

Please do understand however, it is not easy.  I do have my hands full.  I go many days in a row not talking to another adult except for hello and goodbyes to my husband as he heads to work or school or bed.  This is what is stressing me.  This is what is bringing down my mood.

We don't even get to go to a movie now and then.  Nor dinner out, or even an extra hour of sleep.  We don't get breaks.  The only time our kids are gone is when we have a significant reason for them to be gone, like when we moved last summer.  I honestly can't remember the last time they were all gone for a night. 

If we do get to go out, we pay for it!  Usually times two.  First we pay a sitter for watching them, which is about $11.50 an hour for 4 kids!  Then we pay physically or emotionally because they are either super tired from being picked up later and put to bed later or super hyper from running around with kids all day, and hence super cranky for the same reason.  And our night out of relaxing is undone.

I do ultimately love my life, but lately a lot of people have been complaining about needing a break and they only have 1-2 kids.  Some people think they need help because they are sick or can't sleep at night and tired all day or just haven't gotten away in a month.  To those of you like that, you are spoiled.  I'm sorry, but I don't get help.  When I'm sick, I still have to take care of my kids... no one comes to live with me for a day or two so I can sleep.  I don't have the option of calling up one of our parents on a whim and having them watch my kids because I got invited to do something.  I have to turn those invites down.  I'd really be interested to know what some of the people around me would do without their parents as babysitters.  I think they'd be up a creek without a paddle!

I do have to admit my mom helps when she can, but she lives little over 2 hours away from me.  Though she's been a wonderful listener lately and offered me a lot of moral support.  I gotta say, I have a great mom and really do wish she lived a little closer.

So, is there a point to this blog?  Why yes there is!  My first point is this: I don't have time for myself.  All I want is to be better myself.  I just want half an hour 5 times a week to exercise so I can get healthy again.  I want a few minutes a day to organize my house and plan out healthier meals.  But I don't have the time.  Some would say, they'd just make time.  Well you folks are welcome to come to my house and show me how to make time.  But if it means I'm going to have to sacrifice sleep, then it's a no go because I need sleep to have the energy to keep up with my kids!  And to be alert while they are awake.  I once dosed off and Keldan got a paring knife out of the drawer and Gillian tried to get it away from him and he ended up with a big cut on his hand.  All in the couple of minutes that I nodded off.

My only other point is this: Don't judge me.  My life did not come with an instruction booklet and I'm doing the best I can.  If I get a little or a lot cranky from time to time, I feel I deserve to.  Until you've walked a day in my shoes, don't think you know better than I do.  Also, don't tell me I chose this life because I didn't.  It was given to me.  Just because I used to "dream" about what I wanted in my life doesn't mean I picked this out for myself.  I also dreamed of being an awesome teacher and I never even got the chance to try that!

This will leave me with one of my favorite quotes that I think everyone should live by.

"Who are you to judge the life I live?  I know I'm not perfect - and I don't live to be, but before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean."  Bob Marley

Hugs ~ B.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Don't deny it...

I have been thinking over several topics for my next couple of posts, trying to figure out what I wanted to write about most.  It wasn't until just a few minutes ago when browsing facebook that I figured out what exactly I wanted to say first.  I clicked a link on Carrie Underwood's new album cover and thought thus far it looked really awesome.  Then I read some of the comments.  Most of them said things along the lines of how beautiful Carrie is.  Then there were the select few that said she's too thin and needs to eat a hamburger.  It's those comments that bother me.  I would do just about anything to look like Carrie.

It's not just strangers who make those comments, it's my friends too.  My friends will say certain celebrities or even other people we know are too thin.  I have to disagree.  I don't care what people say, I know somewhere deep down, they have at one point wanted to be thin or slender like the celebrities.  I think about 98% of women would be lying if they said they had never wished they could look so good.  I also know a lot of people who say they don't care what other people think of them, but I know that is also not true.  You do care... every time you put make up on, you show that you do care.  Every single time you style your hair, you show that you do care.  I think it's just part of being human and female. 

I'm not gonna lie here, I can't think of anything else in the world (other than money) that I'd rather have than a lean, slender, beautiful body.  Maybe that's because I've never had one.  Maybe that's because I idealize it too much.  Maybe it's because I'm a little vain.  I don't know why, but it's what I want.  I also wish I didn't have to work so hard to try and obtain that image for myself.  I know if I keep it up and make the right choices I will get where I want to be.  I just wish it was as easy as it looks.

So, the next time you want to criticize someone you may want to stop and think why you feel that way...  Is it because you're jealous?  Because you're better?  Or because you are rude?  Just think about it.

Hugs ~ B.

Friday, March 2, 2012

I shopped and I saved!

Today was a mommy alone day.  Those do not happen very often and when they do I pay for it, literally.  I end up paying for daycare or a babysitter.  For those of you who always have family such as parents or close friends to watch your kids, consider yourselves very lucky.  You should think about how much less you'd go out if you had to pay $2.95/hr per child to do so.  It adds up quickly.

Anywho, I chose to spend my day doing some retail therapy!  Highly unnecessary, but highly needed as well.  And, to justify myself even more, I saved money at each store.  First groceries.  At Meijer I spent $70, but I saved $34.  Then presents.  At JcPenney, I spent $22, but saved $26.  Finally just for me and the whopper of all whoppers.  I challenge someone to beat this one... At Kohls I spent $116, but saved $277!!!  How's that for savings?  That's over double what I spent.  Paying daycare today became very well worth it.

I probably didn't "need" the items I bought, but I've waited a long time for them.  I bought house items, serving dishes, place mats and table clothes for Easter, and a few other neat things.  I love buying these things.  I love decorating and making my environment look pretty.  After the week I've had, this becomes almost a necessary mission... To make my environment look pretty!  Let me explain.

I spend the majority of my week inside my house.  I am a stay at home mom with 3 little kids at home and 1 in first grade.  My husband works 3rd shift and attends college twice a week.  I spend around 3/4 of my week alone, lacking adult interaction of any kind (what I wouldn't give for a play date or a half hour lunch break).  I also live in a rented home.  I do love where we are, but the walls are all plain, a creamy color.  The carpet is brown, the counters are tan... Everything blends together.  I like color and pop.  I like pretty.  Being that I am the only one here to help myself stay sane, I needed to spice things up a bit.  I very excited with my purchases and cannot wait to show them off to company (when we do finally get some). 

Now, I am going to pay for my day off again.  Because now I have to do all the chores and things I neglected all day.  I have about 6 loads of laundry to fold/put away and 3 more to wash.  Dishes to wash and even more dishes to put away.  Then there's vacuuming, liter boxes, sweeping, picking up toys... the list could go on and on.  Hello very late bedtime and goodbye blog!

Hugs ~ B.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Just starting out

Hello world.  Welcome to my blog. 

My blog, how cool is that?  I have to say that ever since I watched the movie Julie and Julia, I've wanted to have a blog.  I could just never figure out what to write about.  Nor was I sure that the things I have to write about would be worth sharing.  However, as I find myself wishing I could have more interaction with people who are aged in the double digits, I decided to amuse myself and give it a shot.

Here's the few things I can guarantee with this blog. One, don't be surprised by what you read here.  I plan to write about all aspects of my life and if you don't like it then don't read it!  I do however welcome feedback when appropriate.  Two, I will not write everyday at first or maybe not ever.  I just don't have the time for such things.  Three, I will be laying my thoughts and feelings out on the line for everyone in the world to read, please be aware I am a human and hurtful comments may lead to hurtful rebuttals. :o)  Four and finally, I am doing this for ME.  Not for anyone else.  Not because I want an online journal.  Not to get everyone in the world's opinion of me.  Simply for me and whatever reason I come up with at the time I post on here.

Alright folks, there you have it.  My first blog entry.  Short, simple.  I'm excited to start this and hope I can keep it up as much as I'd like to.  Take care and goodnight. 

Hugs ~ B.