I cannot believe our summer is almost over!! The kids go back to school in just under 3 weeks... Well, 2 of mine do. The girls school program for 4 year old preschoolers doesn't start until the beginning of October. Once that comes along, I will have 2 half days off!! To put into words how excited I am is not possible. For the first week or 2 I plan to just relax and do whatever I feel like doing. However, after that I plan to volunteer in the schools to hopefully build my resume back up. I plan to return to the work force next year when the twins enter kindergarten. I know I want to utilize my degree and work in the schools, however I'm not sure what I will find. At the very least I will substitute teach.
Besides school starting back up, so does religious education classes. I'm very happy that all of our kids will be attending this year. This means they get more social time in a very positive way and Jesse and I get a date night every week! We will probably just do our grocery shopping together, but at least it is something.
However, back to school also means back to night classes for Jesse. Back to single parenthood for me. I am not looking forward to that at all. At least this semester it is only one night a week. However, this is looking to be his last semester at the community college and he will start his bachelor's program at Ferris. I am praying he will be able to utilize their Grand Rapids campus instead of having to drive to Big Rapids for classes. With us only having one car, that will suck to say the least.
So, the remainder of my summer is going to be full of back to school preparation. I'm pleased to say school clothes are out of the way. However, there are still supplies, books for Jesse and tons of paperwork for the preschools and church.
Other than being especially busy this time of year, life is going good. I'm more and more excited about starting my Thirty-one adventure. I already have at least 3 prospective parties, so that is a good thing. Let's just keep praying this works out for me.
Hugs ~ B.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
This, that and everything in between!
Okay, okay, okay. I know it has been over a month since I last published anything on here. I'm very disappointed to say the least. I wouldn't be so much, if I had good things to report but unfortunately I don't. Let's start with a quick recap.
First of all, the bike adventures have yet to happen because my bike broke and it takes my husband and I at least 5 times as long to do anything as most people. Second, July is just a hard emotional month for me because it is the month I lost my dad. It also contains Dominic's birthday, our anniversary and a holiday.
Some might wonder why a holiday would be emotional. For me it is a constant reminder of the fact that we live exactly too far away from our family and the area we want to raise our kids in. We are doing everything in our power to move back "home." However, life just hasn't given us the opportunity. It makes my heart heavy with ache. I have yet to understand why God and the powers that be keep us so far away from our loved ones. Maybe I will never know.
Anywho, I have also struggled with my insomnia lately so I have been trying to stay away from the computer at night, which is the only real time I have to post on here.
Oh, and we added a new family member... We got a puppy. He's a beagle mix and his name is Orion. He's an amazing dog, however potty training an animal is harder than a toddler. I guess life is trying to teach me patients even more so. I wouldn't trade him for anything though. Once we get the potty stuff down, he will be down right perfect.
I am also starting a new adventure as a Thirty-One consultant. It's a fabulous company that I can work from home for. It will also get me out of the house and social time with other adults. I'm so excited! I'm also so nervous that I won't find many customers or family/friends to host parties for me. I've been working on getting things set up and planning how to get the ball rolling. If anyone reading this would like to learn more about Thirty-One or would like to host a party, I'm very happy to travel. Just email me at beccamoser31@yahoo.com. Yup, this was a shameless plug of promotion. I hope it worked! :-)
As for some pictures, they will come. Sooner than later I really hope. Jesse has to teach me how to hook the camera up to the computer. I am so out of touch with technology, it's pathetic.
~hugs, B.
First of all, the bike adventures have yet to happen because my bike broke and it takes my husband and I at least 5 times as long to do anything as most people. Second, July is just a hard emotional month for me because it is the month I lost my dad. It also contains Dominic's birthday, our anniversary and a holiday.
Some might wonder why a holiday would be emotional. For me it is a constant reminder of the fact that we live exactly too far away from our family and the area we want to raise our kids in. We are doing everything in our power to move back "home." However, life just hasn't given us the opportunity. It makes my heart heavy with ache. I have yet to understand why God and the powers that be keep us so far away from our loved ones. Maybe I will never know.
Anywho, I have also struggled with my insomnia lately so I have been trying to stay away from the computer at night, which is the only real time I have to post on here.
Oh, and we added a new family member... We got a puppy. He's a beagle mix and his name is Orion. He's an amazing dog, however potty training an animal is harder than a toddler. I guess life is trying to teach me patients even more so. I wouldn't trade him for anything though. Once we get the potty stuff down, he will be down right perfect.
I am also starting a new adventure as a Thirty-One consultant. It's a fabulous company that I can work from home for. It will also get me out of the house and social time with other adults. I'm so excited! I'm also so nervous that I won't find many customers or family/friends to host parties for me. I've been working on getting things set up and planning how to get the ball rolling. If anyone reading this would like to learn more about Thirty-One or would like to host a party, I'm very happy to travel. Just email me at beccamoser31@yahoo.com. Yup, this was a shameless plug of promotion. I hope it worked! :-)
As for some pictures, they will come. Sooner than later I really hope. Jesse has to teach me how to hook the camera up to the computer. I am so out of touch with technology, it's pathetic.
~hugs, B.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Time flies!
Wow! Time sure does fly when you are having fun. :o)
My goal with this blog was to post way more often than I am, however, during the summer our family schedule is just so darn busy that I'm not sure I will have the time. And I don't help matters by adding to an already packed summer!
During the summer, every Friday, I play on a softball team in Manistee and continue to live in Holland. Yup, I know it seems silly to drive 2 hours just for a game... BUT I get to see my family and am already in the area at least 2 weekends a month anyways. So what's another 1-2 weekends? I love it! That's what matters. It's the only thing I do for myself. So I will continue.
I also came up with the crazy idea to take my kids on daily bike ride outings. I know to most people that doesn't sound all that crazy. I, however, am not most people. By this I mean I have 4 kids aged almost 7, 4, 4 and 3. Because of their relatively young ages, I will have a toddler seat attached to my bike as well as a bike trailer for 2 additional kids. The only thing better would be to have a small child bike attachment behind my bike and then the trailer... I am not that crazy! Dominic, my oldest, will ride his own bike, pending he learns to listen a little better.
I came up with this wild idea because there are so many things to do in Holland during the summer for kids that are free or mostly free. The library has summer reading programs, there are at least 4 parks near my home (one of which does a kid concert every Friday), the bowling alley about a mile from my house gives every kid 2 games free every day if they want, not to mention the playgrounds, picnics and numerous other things we can do. I want to keep the kids busy all day! I want to make the most of my summer. And I want to do it at little to no cost to me. Hence the bike. Our only vehicle doesn't get very good gas mileage and with our weekly trips northward, it gets expensive. Not to mention I could stand to get some more exercise in... Win, win right? Here's to praying it is!
Speaking of heading northward, that's where I am off to tomorrow. I will be in the Ludington/Manistee area for 4 days. When I return I hope to blog about our trip and maybe, just maybe post a picture or two. That would mean I would have to learn how.... So we will see. =)
After this weekend, I hope to have a schedule and routine figured out. Part of which will be blogging! So everyone can follow the adventures of a crazy stay at home mom of about 3 too many kids... LOL j/k
Seriously though, I want to keep track of all that we do in the hopes that some day the kids can read it and it will bring back the memories.
Until next time!
Hugs ~ B.
My goal with this blog was to post way more often than I am, however, during the summer our family schedule is just so darn busy that I'm not sure I will have the time. And I don't help matters by adding to an already packed summer!
During the summer, every Friday, I play on a softball team in Manistee and continue to live in Holland. Yup, I know it seems silly to drive 2 hours just for a game... BUT I get to see my family and am already in the area at least 2 weekends a month anyways. So what's another 1-2 weekends? I love it! That's what matters. It's the only thing I do for myself. So I will continue.
I also came up with the crazy idea to take my kids on daily bike ride outings. I know to most people that doesn't sound all that crazy. I, however, am not most people. By this I mean I have 4 kids aged almost 7, 4, 4 and 3. Because of their relatively young ages, I will have a toddler seat attached to my bike as well as a bike trailer for 2 additional kids. The only thing better would be to have a small child bike attachment behind my bike and then the trailer... I am not that crazy! Dominic, my oldest, will ride his own bike, pending he learns to listen a little better.
I came up with this wild idea because there are so many things to do in Holland during the summer for kids that are free or mostly free. The library has summer reading programs, there are at least 4 parks near my home (one of which does a kid concert every Friday), the bowling alley about a mile from my house gives every kid 2 games free every day if they want, not to mention the playgrounds, picnics and numerous other things we can do. I want to keep the kids busy all day! I want to make the most of my summer. And I want to do it at little to no cost to me. Hence the bike. Our only vehicle doesn't get very good gas mileage and with our weekly trips northward, it gets expensive. Not to mention I could stand to get some more exercise in... Win, win right? Here's to praying it is!
Speaking of heading northward, that's where I am off to tomorrow. I will be in the Ludington/Manistee area for 4 days. When I return I hope to blog about our trip and maybe, just maybe post a picture or two. That would mean I would have to learn how.... So we will see. =)
After this weekend, I hope to have a schedule and routine figured out. Part of which will be blogging! So everyone can follow the adventures of a crazy stay at home mom of about 3 too many kids... LOL j/k
Seriously though, I want to keep track of all that we do in the hopes that some day the kids can read it and it will bring back the memories.
Until next time!
Hugs ~ B.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Friend or foe?
I need to write about a recent event in my life to help me get past it. I'm going to keep it as short and discrete as possible. Please note this is for ME. Amazing how once in awhile I need to do things for ME... That's the reason the event occurred.
I was good friends with who I thought was a very nice person. She and I are both stay at home moms however, we have completely different home lives. I have 4 very energetic children who are only 4 years apart from oldest to youngest. I choose to stay home to save money on daycare and raise my kids myself. She has 2 children who are 6 years apart. She stays home because of epilepsy and seems to hate it. She likes being with her children, but hates the epilepsy part (from my observations).
*This story is my side and my side alone, please remember that.*
I posted for advice on FB, like I normally do when I am running out of answers on most anything in life. The woman I am going to refer to as Sally left 2 comments, one was helpful, the other was very hurtful. Sally is widely known for speaking before thinking. She doesn't filter what she says and often times ends up apologizing for what she said because it was hurtful and or out of line. An incident like that happened to me with her second comment. I was informed I am too lenient of a parent and that's why my kids behave the way they do. I was hurt very much by this comment because I work very hard to be the best parent I can be. I responded with my own remark about how in my observation she isn't any more strict than I am, so basically please don't point fingers.
It was my comment that resulted in a lot of texting back and forth between the 2 of us. Side note, fighting over text messages is annoying. Anyways, I keep trying to explain why I was hurt and how she should not point fingers at people. She kept trying to tell me I asked for it by asking for advice on FB and that I was wrong for "bashing" her back.
I'm sorry, but asking for advice is one thing... Putting someone down as a person or parent is another.
Anyway, one thing lead to another and Sally ended up telling me that my children are "hyper mouthy little brats with no structure or discipline." That was my last straw. I have put up with her put downs similar to that but not as extreme since the day I met her. Usually they were about me or my husband. Those I could take. This one however was a direct blow to my children who did nothing in the world to deserve it. So, I ended our "friendship" right then and there.
A couple of hours later, she sent me what seemed like a heartfelt apology. When I finally responded (after a few more hours of careful thought on what I wanted out of this). I responded with telling her I appreciated her apology but I basically wasn't ready to accept it and needed time to be left alone. I also told her I hoped she learns from this that she can't just say what ever the hell she wants and just apologize later, because in my opinion that is no way to live your life. You see I have witnessed her doing this very same thing with several others in her life, it's why a lot of people in my life thought I was crazy to be her friend. I always defended her to them saying she was ultimately a good person and that I could look past her opinions.
Anyways, she responded to my message by telling me I was also wrong and basically I should apologize too. That now the ball was in my court but her conscience was now clear. SO, what I learned is the seemingly heartfelt apology was only for her. So she could go on living with a "clear conscience." She will most likely go on like this was all my fault and she did all she could by saying sorry.
The thing is, I'm NOT sorry. I didn't do anything wrong. She "attacked" me with her opinion and when I told her so for the first time in our friendship, she flipped out. I rarely stand up for myself, but this was concerning my children. I cannot and will not deal with other people putting my children down. They are good kids. I, meaning ME, MYSELF and I, am the one who gets stressed out with my life. Sometimes I ask for advice so I can be a better parent. You will never hear me ask for advice on how to make my kids better, because they are all I could have asked for and more. They don't need to be any better than they already are.
It's really too bad the friendship ended. However, in light of everything that happened, I realize now it wasn't a good friendship for me in the first place. If I have to put aside my feelings and am not allowed to have opinions, then it isn't healthy for me. I have to worry about me first and others second. If someone, like Sally, cannot accept that, then they don't deserve to be my friend. I am worth so much more than put downs or having to worry about whether or not me having my own opinion will piss someone off.
In the end, I feel I did the right thing and I have no plans to apologize for anything. Sally needed to hear what I had to say. I found I quote on FB that I feel sums up my thoughts on the matter: "
I was good friends with who I thought was a very nice person. She and I are both stay at home moms however, we have completely different home lives. I have 4 very energetic children who are only 4 years apart from oldest to youngest. I choose to stay home to save money on daycare and raise my kids myself. She has 2 children who are 6 years apart. She stays home because of epilepsy and seems to hate it. She likes being with her children, but hates the epilepsy part (from my observations).
*This story is my side and my side alone, please remember that.*
I posted for advice on FB, like I normally do when I am running out of answers on most anything in life. The woman I am going to refer to as Sally left 2 comments, one was helpful, the other was very hurtful. Sally is widely known for speaking before thinking. She doesn't filter what she says and often times ends up apologizing for what she said because it was hurtful and or out of line. An incident like that happened to me with her second comment. I was informed I am too lenient of a parent and that's why my kids behave the way they do. I was hurt very much by this comment because I work very hard to be the best parent I can be. I responded with my own remark about how in my observation she isn't any more strict than I am, so basically please don't point fingers.
It was my comment that resulted in a lot of texting back and forth between the 2 of us. Side note, fighting over text messages is annoying. Anyways, I keep trying to explain why I was hurt and how she should not point fingers at people. She kept trying to tell me I asked for it by asking for advice on FB and that I was wrong for "bashing" her back.
I'm sorry, but asking for advice is one thing... Putting someone down as a person or parent is another.
Anyway, one thing lead to another and Sally ended up telling me that my children are "hyper mouthy little brats with no structure or discipline." That was my last straw. I have put up with her put downs similar to that but not as extreme since the day I met her. Usually they were about me or my husband. Those I could take. This one however was a direct blow to my children who did nothing in the world to deserve it. So, I ended our "friendship" right then and there.
A couple of hours later, she sent me what seemed like a heartfelt apology. When I finally responded (after a few more hours of careful thought on what I wanted out of this). I responded with telling her I appreciated her apology but I basically wasn't ready to accept it and needed time to be left alone. I also told her I hoped she learns from this that she can't just say what ever the hell she wants and just apologize later, because in my opinion that is no way to live your life. You see I have witnessed her doing this very same thing with several others in her life, it's why a lot of people in my life thought I was crazy to be her friend. I always defended her to them saying she was ultimately a good person and that I could look past her opinions.
Anyways, she responded to my message by telling me I was also wrong and basically I should apologize too. That now the ball was in my court but her conscience was now clear. SO, what I learned is the seemingly heartfelt apology was only for her. So she could go on living with a "clear conscience." She will most likely go on like this was all my fault and she did all she could by saying sorry.
The thing is, I'm NOT sorry. I didn't do anything wrong. She "attacked" me with her opinion and when I told her so for the first time in our friendship, she flipped out. I rarely stand up for myself, but this was concerning my children. I cannot and will not deal with other people putting my children down. They are good kids. I, meaning ME, MYSELF and I, am the one who gets stressed out with my life. Sometimes I ask for advice so I can be a better parent. You will never hear me ask for advice on how to make my kids better, because they are all I could have asked for and more. They don't need to be any better than they already are.
It's really too bad the friendship ended. However, in light of everything that happened, I realize now it wasn't a good friendship for me in the first place. If I have to put aside my feelings and am not allowed to have opinions, then it isn't healthy for me. I have to worry about me first and others second. If someone, like Sally, cannot accept that, then they don't deserve to be my friend. I am worth so much more than put downs or having to worry about whether or not me having my own opinion will piss someone off.
In the end, I feel I did the right thing and I have no plans to apologize for anything. Sally needed to hear what I had to say. I found I quote on FB that I feel sums up my thoughts on the matter: "
Monday, April 30, 2012
WDW + Little Kids = Exhausted Momma
I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted on here! Not that I haven't been busy or anything, but I definitely wanted to do a better job of keeping up on this blog.
So, why have I been away so long? I was preparing for a trip to Walt Disney World with my 4 young children. We went for 5 days and it was magical! BUT, it was also exhausting. We did have a blast all in all, but traveling with 4 children aged 6 and younger was more of a challenge than I was prepared for. I definitely recommend to wait until your youngest child is at least 6 before attempting this adventure, unless of course you only have 1 child and then any age would be okay.
We spent the majority of our time on potty breaks or trying to find our way around. It was frustrating trying to maneuver around the parks and using the bus system. I was not prepared for the amount of potty breaks that we ended up taking nor was I prepared for the melt downs and bickering that happened. I did expect it to be worse than at home, but not nearly like it ended up being. Hence my reasoning for thinking the kids were just too young for this.
On the positive side though, Disney is a very magical place! Even Jesse got excited to meet the characters (princesses included). :o) I cannot describe the moment of wonder and awe that comes over you when you see Cinderella's castle for the first time! Or the chills you get watching the fireworks with the music and special effects. Or the tears of joy as your children flash the biggest smile of their lives at you when the princess or character gives them a hug. I heard on more than one occasion that it was "THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!" It was those moments that made all of the hassle and stress of the day melt away like it never existed. It was also those moments that make me crazy enough to want to go back... However, I think Keldan (our youngest at age 2.5) will have to be 9-10 years old before we return.
For those of you wondering, it was quite the fiasco getting us all there between the packing, planning and traveling. Taking the kids through airport security was an adventure in and of its self. Gillian peed herself at the security check point, leaving a nice puddle on the floor. That was a little embarrassing. Dominic decided on the way home he didn't need to walk any more by himself, so he was dragged in the skiing position through security. Saviera threw herself onto the resort's lobby floor and proceeded to throw a kicking/screaming fit, for which she was rewarded by the staff with a Minnie doll and balloon ("Because at Disney all princesses should be happy all of the time." Grrrr). Though as a bright side, the other 3 kids also got a doll, Minnie for Gillian and Mickey for the boys. They were pleased as punch and it didn't cost me a dime, just some stress and embarrassment from Saviera. Yes, that is a hefty price tag! Keldan didn't have any issues at all, other than being a little bit disappointed that he was exactly 1/2 an inch too short for 90% of the rides.
I hope to post some pictures soon, so until then it's late and I'm headed for bed... I'm still unpacking, doing laundry and tying up loose ends left from before the trip.
Hugs ~ B.
So, why have I been away so long? I was preparing for a trip to Walt Disney World with my 4 young children. We went for 5 days and it was magical! BUT, it was also exhausting. We did have a blast all in all, but traveling with 4 children aged 6 and younger was more of a challenge than I was prepared for. I definitely recommend to wait until your youngest child is at least 6 before attempting this adventure, unless of course you only have 1 child and then any age would be okay.
We spent the majority of our time on potty breaks or trying to find our way around. It was frustrating trying to maneuver around the parks and using the bus system. I was not prepared for the amount of potty breaks that we ended up taking nor was I prepared for the melt downs and bickering that happened. I did expect it to be worse than at home, but not nearly like it ended up being. Hence my reasoning for thinking the kids were just too young for this.
On the positive side though, Disney is a very magical place! Even Jesse got excited to meet the characters (princesses included). :o) I cannot describe the moment of wonder and awe that comes over you when you see Cinderella's castle for the first time! Or the chills you get watching the fireworks with the music and special effects. Or the tears of joy as your children flash the biggest smile of their lives at you when the princess or character gives them a hug. I heard on more than one occasion that it was "THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!" It was those moments that made all of the hassle and stress of the day melt away like it never existed. It was also those moments that make me crazy enough to want to go back... However, I think Keldan (our youngest at age 2.5) will have to be 9-10 years old before we return.
For those of you wondering, it was quite the fiasco getting us all there between the packing, planning and traveling. Taking the kids through airport security was an adventure in and of its self. Gillian peed herself at the security check point, leaving a nice puddle on the floor. That was a little embarrassing. Dominic decided on the way home he didn't need to walk any more by himself, so he was dragged in the skiing position through security. Saviera threw herself onto the resort's lobby floor and proceeded to throw a kicking/screaming fit, for which she was rewarded by the staff with a Minnie doll and balloon ("Because at Disney all princesses should be happy all of the time." Grrrr). Though as a bright side, the other 3 kids also got a doll, Minnie for Gillian and Mickey for the boys. They were pleased as punch and it didn't cost me a dime, just some stress and embarrassment from Saviera. Yes, that is a hefty price tag! Keldan didn't have any issues at all, other than being a little bit disappointed that he was exactly 1/2 an inch too short for 90% of the rides.
I hope to post some pictures soon, so until then it's late and I'm headed for bed... I'm still unpacking, doing laundry and tying up loose ends left from before the trip.
Hugs ~ B.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Updates and Randomness
I know I've been slacking on the posting part of this blog. I come here mostly to read what others have written because I'm nosy and then I head to bed. So I am dedicating this entry to what's been happening in my world for the last week or so.
I've officially begun the vacation countdown! For those who don't know, we are headed to Walt Disney World on April 23rd! Our kids still don't know and won't know until we arrive at the airport. This task of keeping such a big surprise a secret has become increasingly difficult as my excitement grows. It is also even more extremely difficult to pack and plan things out without kids knowing. I am quite nervous about traveling so far and flying with kids aged 6.5, 4, 4, 2.5. Yes the .5 makes a huge difference! Those with kids understand. :o) Anywho, I've been plotting, planning, list making and sorting for about 6 months now. What to take, how much, what to leave behind, what will entertain them, what won't... This list goes on for miles. I've now spent about 2 hours packing and have all clothing except my own packed. I also have half the toiletries packed and carry on stuff is starting to accumulate in my closet (which is where the luggage is also hidden). I still have tons to do, a shopping trip and at least another 2 hours of packing. One might wonder why it takes so long to put together 5 outfits per person for 6 people? Because I have to think about what colors will keep us cool, look for stains and or rips in the kids clothes. Make sure mine fit and I am happy with how I look. Gather everything together and wash it all. Make sure I have outfits and not misfits. And finally just double, triple and quadruple check everything. I'm a worrier, so I cannot have anything left undone. We still have 2 weeks before we leave, but I'm sure I will be rushing around at the last minute even with all of this preplanning!
Alright, on to another subject (I will blog about the trip before and after we leave I am sure).
We've been busy cleaning out our home and shed the last week or so. Trying to organize our smaller living space since we moved over 6 months ago. I'm definitely not a saver and already have 4 garbage bags full of stuff for yard sale season. Our community does a yard sale in May and a friend of mine is doing one in June. I hope to sell off most of it and what doesn't sell will head to Goodwill. I tend to purge the house about twice a year. Once in the spring and once right before Christmas making room for the presents the kids get. All of the kids are past the baby stages and so I have a ton of toys to get rid of! Hopefully the kids will let me. Dominic doesn't deal with change at all and is a pack rat to the extreme. Someday I will post pictures of his bed revealing proof! It's sad to know they are not babies anymore, but exciting to be able to relate to them and do more things with them. In a couple of years they will all be in my "perfect" age range to enjoy kids. I think from the ages of 5-10 or 11 are the "perfect" years for me. They are still young and believe in the magic of life, but yet able to talk to me and help me help them. They are independent and yet still need their mommy.
Okay, that's a whole other blog that I will dedicate to my kids....
So, onward. We had a great Easter just relaxing at home. I do believe this was the first holiday since Jesse and I met that we spent alone together with just our immediate family, meaning the 6 of us. Normally we travel to see family somewhere in MI. It was so nice not having a time schedule and being able to relax in our pjs for the morning. The kids loved their baskets from the Easter Bunny. They got mostly trinkets and small toys like puzzles. We do very little candy, because they somehow seem to end up with lots of candy no matter how little we buy. Thank you to banks who hand out sugar to my kids in our truck... It's the best place to give them sugar on a stick, while trapped in a vehicle and they cannot let the energy from it wear off... :-/ Oh well. It was my favorite part of the bank when I was a kid too.
We also got some projects we've been putting off started. And I can promise they will be finished before the week is out.
Well folks, I believe that is all. I do have a busy week ahead of me preparing for a party on Friday. I am looking into working from home for a company called Thirty-one. My house is in desperate need of a thorough cleaning, so I will be busy this week. Though I plan to blog Friday night about the party and my interest in the company. But until then....
Hugs ~ B.
I've officially begun the vacation countdown! For those who don't know, we are headed to Walt Disney World on April 23rd! Our kids still don't know and won't know until we arrive at the airport. This task of keeping such a big surprise a secret has become increasingly difficult as my excitement grows. It is also even more extremely difficult to pack and plan things out without kids knowing. I am quite nervous about traveling so far and flying with kids aged 6.5, 4, 4, 2.5. Yes the .5 makes a huge difference! Those with kids understand. :o) Anywho, I've been plotting, planning, list making and sorting for about 6 months now. What to take, how much, what to leave behind, what will entertain them, what won't... This list goes on for miles. I've now spent about 2 hours packing and have all clothing except my own packed. I also have half the toiletries packed and carry on stuff is starting to accumulate in my closet (which is where the luggage is also hidden). I still have tons to do, a shopping trip and at least another 2 hours of packing. One might wonder why it takes so long to put together 5 outfits per person for 6 people? Because I have to think about what colors will keep us cool, look for stains and or rips in the kids clothes. Make sure mine fit and I am happy with how I look. Gather everything together and wash it all. Make sure I have outfits and not misfits. And finally just double, triple and quadruple check everything. I'm a worrier, so I cannot have anything left undone. We still have 2 weeks before we leave, but I'm sure I will be rushing around at the last minute even with all of this preplanning!
Alright, on to another subject (I will blog about the trip before and after we leave I am sure).
We've been busy cleaning out our home and shed the last week or so. Trying to organize our smaller living space since we moved over 6 months ago. I'm definitely not a saver and already have 4 garbage bags full of stuff for yard sale season. Our community does a yard sale in May and a friend of mine is doing one in June. I hope to sell off most of it and what doesn't sell will head to Goodwill. I tend to purge the house about twice a year. Once in the spring and once right before Christmas making room for the presents the kids get. All of the kids are past the baby stages and so I have a ton of toys to get rid of! Hopefully the kids will let me. Dominic doesn't deal with change at all and is a pack rat to the extreme. Someday I will post pictures of his bed revealing proof! It's sad to know they are not babies anymore, but exciting to be able to relate to them and do more things with them. In a couple of years they will all be in my "perfect" age range to enjoy kids. I think from the ages of 5-10 or 11 are the "perfect" years for me. They are still young and believe in the magic of life, but yet able to talk to me and help me help them. They are independent and yet still need their mommy.
Okay, that's a whole other blog that I will dedicate to my kids....
So, onward. We had a great Easter just relaxing at home. I do believe this was the first holiday since Jesse and I met that we spent alone together with just our immediate family, meaning the 6 of us. Normally we travel to see family somewhere in MI. It was so nice not having a time schedule and being able to relax in our pjs for the morning. The kids loved their baskets from the Easter Bunny. They got mostly trinkets and small toys like puzzles. We do very little candy, because they somehow seem to end up with lots of candy no matter how little we buy. Thank you to banks who hand out sugar to my kids in our truck... It's the best place to give them sugar on a stick, while trapped in a vehicle and they cannot let the energy from it wear off... :-/ Oh well. It was my favorite part of the bank when I was a kid too.
We also got some projects we've been putting off started. And I can promise they will be finished before the week is out.
Well folks, I believe that is all. I do have a busy week ahead of me preparing for a party on Friday. I am looking into working from home for a company called Thirty-one. My house is in desperate need of a thorough cleaning, so I will be busy this week. Though I plan to blog Friday night about the party and my interest in the company. But until then....
Hugs ~ B.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Petrified
For the last couple of weeks I haven't been able to shake some thoughts that petrify me beyond belief. I don't know why I think these things or why I obsess over them, but I do. I think my biggest fear is losing Jesse or one of the kids. However, my thoughts always point to Jesse.
I think of all the "What would I do questions?" right down to "I have no idea where I'd even have his funeral." Morbid? Yes, I think it is... But I can't shake it. I really do have this sour feeling in my gut like I'm gonna loose him and be left to raise my children alone.
I think, "What in the hell would I do without him?" There are SO many things I rely on him for. Maintenance sums up what I have no knowledge of. But he's also our income so I can stay home because daycare is so expensive. I would have to work and raise the kids. How would I do that? I do know I'd move "home" which means back to Ludington. This would make me closer to family who could help. I also know we have great life insurance, so I'd be covered there for quite some time.
What I don't know is how I would survive without him. I know how much I've struggled losing my dad, I can't even begin to understand how I'd feel to not have Jesse. I also don't know how I'd be able to handle the kids alone. How could I help them deal with it all and deal with it myself?...
I hate these thoughts and the nasty feelings they leave inside me. I hate that I think of these things. And furthermore I hate that I think this way so often. Most of the time I don't even realize that is where my thoughts have slipped to until I feel the tears on my cheek.
I'm pretty sure this all has to do with losing my dad and a lot of other people close to me at relatively young ages. I think it is also related to watching my mom deal with life on her own for the first time ever (because she married at 18, so she went from her parents to my dad). And it may even be related to watching my brother raise his boys alone now, too (yes divorce sucks).
I need to find a way to feel secure in life again. I need to feel safe and happy. I want to let all of these worries go. Now, if someone could just tell me how.
Hugs ~ B.
I think of all the "What would I do questions?" right down to "I have no idea where I'd even have his funeral." Morbid? Yes, I think it is... But I can't shake it. I really do have this sour feeling in my gut like I'm gonna loose him and be left to raise my children alone.
I think, "What in the hell would I do without him?" There are SO many things I rely on him for. Maintenance sums up what I have no knowledge of. But he's also our income so I can stay home because daycare is so expensive. I would have to work and raise the kids. How would I do that? I do know I'd move "home" which means back to Ludington. This would make me closer to family who could help. I also know we have great life insurance, so I'd be covered there for quite some time.
What I don't know is how I would survive without him. I know how much I've struggled losing my dad, I can't even begin to understand how I'd feel to not have Jesse. I also don't know how I'd be able to handle the kids alone. How could I help them deal with it all and deal with it myself?...
I hate these thoughts and the nasty feelings they leave inside me. I hate that I think of these things. And furthermore I hate that I think this way so often. Most of the time I don't even realize that is where my thoughts have slipped to until I feel the tears on my cheek.
I'm pretty sure this all has to do with losing my dad and a lot of other people close to me at relatively young ages. I think it is also related to watching my mom deal with life on her own for the first time ever (because she married at 18, so she went from her parents to my dad). And it may even be related to watching my brother raise his boys alone now, too (yes divorce sucks).
I need to find a way to feel secure in life again. I need to feel safe and happy. I want to let all of these worries go. Now, if someone could just tell me how.
Hugs ~ B.
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