Tomorrow I set off on a big adventure all by myself! I am traveling to Utah to see some college friends, one of which I have not seen in 8 years. This will be my first ever experience vacationing without my family. I am beyond ready for the much needed break, rest and relaxation. I love the fact that we don't really have much of a schedule to follow. AND I am consulting a Thirty-One party while I am there, so the mileage is a tax deduction (as though I were driving anyways).
My Thirty-One is going really well. I have a couple of amazing things lined up in the next couple of months, but am wishing I had more parties booked. I really enjoy getting out and meeting new people, so consulting parties is amazing for me. Which is also my sole reason for being a consultant.
Things around our house have settled down a bit now that everyone is in school. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I am free of kids from 8:15-11:15. It's only 3 hours twice a week, but it's a very nice break. Soon I am looking into volunteering at a school to help with my resume. I would like to return to work next fall and want to help out my lacking education resume. I also want to get back to doing what I love and that is watching children learn.
We are still in search of job opportunities for m husband so we can move back towards our home of Ludington and closer to our family. I pray every day it is in the plans for us. We miss being "home" terribly, but there are not an abundance of jobs for Jesse there. I know I need to be patient and life will work out when it is supposed to.
I know I have lots more that I would like to write about, but for now I am going to call it quits as I have lots to do before I leave tomorrow morning!
Until then,
Hugs ~B.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Climbing a mountain.
I've been working on doing things more for myself, such as daily showers and exercise. However, I think it would be easier to climb a mountain. One would think something like a daily shower would be an easy accomplishment. I, however, seem to struggle to fit it in.
Lately I have become harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. The effects from my insomnia have really started to take their toll on me. After 3 years of struggling with this disease, once I fall asleep, I rarely want to wake up. For me the issue is falling asleep, not staying asleep. However, being that my husband works 3rd shift, I am the only one here to deal with a sleep walking toddler, bad dreams and night time sickness. I am usually awoken at least once if not up to three times by one of my four kids, each and every night. It takes me a good 2 hours to fall asleep once I'm ready for bed. So, having sleep interrupted is very hard on me.
The issue of lack of sleep is a constant battle in my household. My husband has to switch his sleep schedule every week and ends up with a total of 6 nights of sleep a week instead of 7 if you add up the hours he gets and divide by 7. I however, usually end up with 5 nights doing the same equation. So my question remains, who has it worse? The one who averages less sleep per night with 1-3 interruptions during or the one who averages more sleep per day in less days? I've been told sleeping during the day is not as good as sleeping at night. However, interrupted sleep is not as good as uninterrupted sleep during the day.
I wish this issue could be solved for us. Unfortunately, I think it will forever be a stand off, agreeing to disagree over sleep between my husband and I. Which is really too bad. It's the only thing we struggle with. I guess I'm glad it's not finances that drive us to arguing though. :o)
However, we each have an uphill battle everyday or night for that matter while we have to be awake. I struggle to stay awake to take care of my kids and usually run out of energy before I run out of what I should do in a day. He struggles at times to stay awake all night operating and fixing huge deep draw stamping presses that can potentially kill him if he's not careful. As well as running out of patients with everyone around him before he is able to go back to bed.
For his safety I give up on my sleep. But for my sanity and the kids' well being he will also give up on his sleep. Neither is a good solution. So what is?? I wish I knew the answer. Until then we will have to continue to climb the mountain of tiredness.
Hugs, ~B.
Lately I have become harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. The effects from my insomnia have really started to take their toll on me. After 3 years of struggling with this disease, once I fall asleep, I rarely want to wake up. For me the issue is falling asleep, not staying asleep. However, being that my husband works 3rd shift, I am the only one here to deal with a sleep walking toddler, bad dreams and night time sickness. I am usually awoken at least once if not up to three times by one of my four kids, each and every night. It takes me a good 2 hours to fall asleep once I'm ready for bed. So, having sleep interrupted is very hard on me.
The issue of lack of sleep is a constant battle in my household. My husband has to switch his sleep schedule every week and ends up with a total of 6 nights of sleep a week instead of 7 if you add up the hours he gets and divide by 7. I however, usually end up with 5 nights doing the same equation. So my question remains, who has it worse? The one who averages less sleep per night with 1-3 interruptions during or the one who averages more sleep per day in less days? I've been told sleeping during the day is not as good as sleeping at night. However, interrupted sleep is not as good as uninterrupted sleep during the day.
I wish this issue could be solved for us. Unfortunately, I think it will forever be a stand off, agreeing to disagree over sleep between my husband and I. Which is really too bad. It's the only thing we struggle with. I guess I'm glad it's not finances that drive us to arguing though. :o)
However, we each have an uphill battle everyday or night for that matter while we have to be awake. I struggle to stay awake to take care of my kids and usually run out of energy before I run out of what I should do in a day. He struggles at times to stay awake all night operating and fixing huge deep draw stamping presses that can potentially kill him if he's not careful. As well as running out of patients with everyone around him before he is able to go back to bed.
For his safety I give up on my sleep. But for my sanity and the kids' well being he will also give up on his sleep. Neither is a good solution. So what is?? I wish I knew the answer. Until then we will have to continue to climb the mountain of tiredness.
Hugs, ~B.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Mission: Making a better Becca
Alright, alright, alright already! I know it's September and I have hardly even thought of this blog. To say that I have been busy just doesn't do myself justice. I know everyone feels busy, but I am pretty sure I top the list of busy. Here's a quick recap of the last month in my life.
I spend every weekend an hour and a half from my current home in Holland. I go back to my home town area to play softball with my family on a co-ed slow pitch league. My husband generally stays here while I take my 4 kids so he can work the overtime we need to survive. My weeks have been spent unpacking, doing laundry and regular chores done in 7 days condensed down to 5 days, and repacking for the weekend away. On top of this our only vehicle was vandalized and had to go away for a week for repairs. We got a 5 seater rental from our insurance company and if you follow my blog, you will know that was 1 seat short for our family. To say the least it was an interesting week. We have also added a puppy to our family and I have started working from home. Both are taking more of my time than I ever imagined. Now, my youngest and oldest have returned to school as well as my husband. I am preparing to be gone for a long weekend in October to visit college friends I haven't seen in about 8 years! There is also the return of preschool for my twins in October as well as religious education classes for all 4 kids at the end of September. My oldest will be joining a bowling league soon, which will occupy my Saturday mornings. Then there is the fact that my husband is still job searching so we can live closer to our family and raise our kids in the area we want them to grow up in. Phew! No wonder I'm so dead tired every night. And I am still battling that ridiculous insomnia.
Now that everyone is updated, I want to get to the point of my blog. ME. I always put everything else in my life first. My kids, family, pets, job, house, everything! That has to stop. I mean I don't even get time to shower every day. As gross as that may sound to most people it is a very real part of my life with 4 kids. So if you are considering a big family, maybe consider what you will be giving up.
Anyways, I want to work on me. Just me. Nothing that doesn't involve me, myself and I. Part of my goals always used to contain my family, job or house. But I need to step back and work on me. I have a few things in mind... 1. shower, daily no excuses 2. workout 5 times weekly 3. give myself time for me to do the things I enjoy daily (even 20 minutes is enough) 4. make decisions based on me instead of everyone else This last one is gonna be very hard, but I need to make that change. I do understand that my kids will almost always influence my decisions in one way or another. However, they should not be my only deciding factor. I need to make sure I'm doing things that will be good for me as well. I need not be sorry for taking time to myself or feel guilty when I want some alone time.
I know I sound very selfish. I've never said these types of things so boldly before. I personally don't care what others will think because I know myself and I know it's time for this change to happen. I've been working all summer on making myself better. And I've done so in every other aspect except for me personally. I'm sure this is confusing, so let me explain.
I've done lots to be more motivated, more patient with my kids, keeping my house cleaner, and lots of other things that involve not only myself but others in my life. Now I want to work on things that will only benefit myself. No one around me cares if I shower every 2-3 days or daily. Nor do they care if I workout or get a quiet minute to myself. I have also not made a decision solely for me since before I met my husband. So little over 13 years ago. For me to feel better as a person, about myself, I need to do these things.
So, here's to starting the next chapter!
~Hugs, B.
I spend every weekend an hour and a half from my current home in Holland. I go back to my home town area to play softball with my family on a co-ed slow pitch league. My husband generally stays here while I take my 4 kids so he can work the overtime we need to survive. My weeks have been spent unpacking, doing laundry and regular chores done in 7 days condensed down to 5 days, and repacking for the weekend away. On top of this our only vehicle was vandalized and had to go away for a week for repairs. We got a 5 seater rental from our insurance company and if you follow my blog, you will know that was 1 seat short for our family. To say the least it was an interesting week. We have also added a puppy to our family and I have started working from home. Both are taking more of my time than I ever imagined. Now, my youngest and oldest have returned to school as well as my husband. I am preparing to be gone for a long weekend in October to visit college friends I haven't seen in about 8 years! There is also the return of preschool for my twins in October as well as religious education classes for all 4 kids at the end of September. My oldest will be joining a bowling league soon, which will occupy my Saturday mornings. Then there is the fact that my husband is still job searching so we can live closer to our family and raise our kids in the area we want them to grow up in. Phew! No wonder I'm so dead tired every night. And I am still battling that ridiculous insomnia.
Now that everyone is updated, I want to get to the point of my blog. ME. I always put everything else in my life first. My kids, family, pets, job, house, everything! That has to stop. I mean I don't even get time to shower every day. As gross as that may sound to most people it is a very real part of my life with 4 kids. So if you are considering a big family, maybe consider what you will be giving up.
Anyways, I want to work on me. Just me. Nothing that doesn't involve me, myself and I. Part of my goals always used to contain my family, job or house. But I need to step back and work on me. I have a few things in mind... 1. shower, daily no excuses 2. workout 5 times weekly 3. give myself time for me to do the things I enjoy daily (even 20 minutes is enough) 4. make decisions based on me instead of everyone else This last one is gonna be very hard, but I need to make that change. I do understand that my kids will almost always influence my decisions in one way or another. However, they should not be my only deciding factor. I need to make sure I'm doing things that will be good for me as well. I need not be sorry for taking time to myself or feel guilty when I want some alone time.
I know I sound very selfish. I've never said these types of things so boldly before. I personally don't care what others will think because I know myself and I know it's time for this change to happen. I've been working all summer on making myself better. And I've done so in every other aspect except for me personally. I'm sure this is confusing, so let me explain.
I've done lots to be more motivated, more patient with my kids, keeping my house cleaner, and lots of other things that involve not only myself but others in my life. Now I want to work on things that will only benefit myself. No one around me cares if I shower every 2-3 days or daily. Nor do they care if I workout or get a quiet minute to myself. I have also not made a decision solely for me since before I met my husband. So little over 13 years ago. For me to feel better as a person, about myself, I need to do these things.
So, here's to starting the next chapter!
~Hugs, B.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Mid August already??
I cannot believe our summer is almost over!! The kids go back to school in just under 3 weeks... Well, 2 of mine do. The girls school program for 4 year old preschoolers doesn't start until the beginning of October. Once that comes along, I will have 2 half days off!! To put into words how excited I am is not possible. For the first week or 2 I plan to just relax and do whatever I feel like doing. However, after that I plan to volunteer in the schools to hopefully build my resume back up. I plan to return to the work force next year when the twins enter kindergarten. I know I want to utilize my degree and work in the schools, however I'm not sure what I will find. At the very least I will substitute teach.
Besides school starting back up, so does religious education classes. I'm very happy that all of our kids will be attending this year. This means they get more social time in a very positive way and Jesse and I get a date night every week! We will probably just do our grocery shopping together, but at least it is something.
However, back to school also means back to night classes for Jesse. Back to single parenthood for me. I am not looking forward to that at all. At least this semester it is only one night a week. However, this is looking to be his last semester at the community college and he will start his bachelor's program at Ferris. I am praying he will be able to utilize their Grand Rapids campus instead of having to drive to Big Rapids for classes. With us only having one car, that will suck to say the least.
So, the remainder of my summer is going to be full of back to school preparation. I'm pleased to say school clothes are out of the way. However, there are still supplies, books for Jesse and tons of paperwork for the preschools and church.
Other than being especially busy this time of year, life is going good. I'm more and more excited about starting my Thirty-one adventure. I already have at least 3 prospective parties, so that is a good thing. Let's just keep praying this works out for me.
Hugs ~ B.
Besides school starting back up, so does religious education classes. I'm very happy that all of our kids will be attending this year. This means they get more social time in a very positive way and Jesse and I get a date night every week! We will probably just do our grocery shopping together, but at least it is something.
However, back to school also means back to night classes for Jesse. Back to single parenthood for me. I am not looking forward to that at all. At least this semester it is only one night a week. However, this is looking to be his last semester at the community college and he will start his bachelor's program at Ferris. I am praying he will be able to utilize their Grand Rapids campus instead of having to drive to Big Rapids for classes. With us only having one car, that will suck to say the least.
So, the remainder of my summer is going to be full of back to school preparation. I'm pleased to say school clothes are out of the way. However, there are still supplies, books for Jesse and tons of paperwork for the preschools and church.
Other than being especially busy this time of year, life is going good. I'm more and more excited about starting my Thirty-one adventure. I already have at least 3 prospective parties, so that is a good thing. Let's just keep praying this works out for me.
Hugs ~ B.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
This, that and everything in between!
Okay, okay, okay. I know it has been over a month since I last published anything on here. I'm very disappointed to say the least. I wouldn't be so much, if I had good things to report but unfortunately I don't. Let's start with a quick recap.
First of all, the bike adventures have yet to happen because my bike broke and it takes my husband and I at least 5 times as long to do anything as most people. Second, July is just a hard emotional month for me because it is the month I lost my dad. It also contains Dominic's birthday, our anniversary and a holiday.
Some might wonder why a holiday would be emotional. For me it is a constant reminder of the fact that we live exactly too far away from our family and the area we want to raise our kids in. We are doing everything in our power to move back "home." However, life just hasn't given us the opportunity. It makes my heart heavy with ache. I have yet to understand why God and the powers that be keep us so far away from our loved ones. Maybe I will never know.
Anywho, I have also struggled with my insomnia lately so I have been trying to stay away from the computer at night, which is the only real time I have to post on here.
Oh, and we added a new family member... We got a puppy. He's a beagle mix and his name is Orion. He's an amazing dog, however potty training an animal is harder than a toddler. I guess life is trying to teach me patients even more so. I wouldn't trade him for anything though. Once we get the potty stuff down, he will be down right perfect.
I am also starting a new adventure as a Thirty-One consultant. It's a fabulous company that I can work from home for. It will also get me out of the house and social time with other adults. I'm so excited! I'm also so nervous that I won't find many customers or family/friends to host parties for me. I've been working on getting things set up and planning how to get the ball rolling. If anyone reading this would like to learn more about Thirty-One or would like to host a party, I'm very happy to travel. Just email me at beccamoser31@yahoo.com. Yup, this was a shameless plug of promotion. I hope it worked! :-)
As for some pictures, they will come. Sooner than later I really hope. Jesse has to teach me how to hook the camera up to the computer. I am so out of touch with technology, it's pathetic.
~hugs, B.
First of all, the bike adventures have yet to happen because my bike broke and it takes my husband and I at least 5 times as long to do anything as most people. Second, July is just a hard emotional month for me because it is the month I lost my dad. It also contains Dominic's birthday, our anniversary and a holiday.
Some might wonder why a holiday would be emotional. For me it is a constant reminder of the fact that we live exactly too far away from our family and the area we want to raise our kids in. We are doing everything in our power to move back "home." However, life just hasn't given us the opportunity. It makes my heart heavy with ache. I have yet to understand why God and the powers that be keep us so far away from our loved ones. Maybe I will never know.
Anywho, I have also struggled with my insomnia lately so I have been trying to stay away from the computer at night, which is the only real time I have to post on here.
Oh, and we added a new family member... We got a puppy. He's a beagle mix and his name is Orion. He's an amazing dog, however potty training an animal is harder than a toddler. I guess life is trying to teach me patients even more so. I wouldn't trade him for anything though. Once we get the potty stuff down, he will be down right perfect.
I am also starting a new adventure as a Thirty-One consultant. It's a fabulous company that I can work from home for. It will also get me out of the house and social time with other adults. I'm so excited! I'm also so nervous that I won't find many customers or family/friends to host parties for me. I've been working on getting things set up and planning how to get the ball rolling. If anyone reading this would like to learn more about Thirty-One or would like to host a party, I'm very happy to travel. Just email me at beccamoser31@yahoo.com. Yup, this was a shameless plug of promotion. I hope it worked! :-)
As for some pictures, they will come. Sooner than later I really hope. Jesse has to teach me how to hook the camera up to the computer. I am so out of touch with technology, it's pathetic.
~hugs, B.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Time flies!
Wow! Time sure does fly when you are having fun. :o)
My goal with this blog was to post way more often than I am, however, during the summer our family schedule is just so darn busy that I'm not sure I will have the time. And I don't help matters by adding to an already packed summer!
During the summer, every Friday, I play on a softball team in Manistee and continue to live in Holland. Yup, I know it seems silly to drive 2 hours just for a game... BUT I get to see my family and am already in the area at least 2 weekends a month anyways. So what's another 1-2 weekends? I love it! That's what matters. It's the only thing I do for myself. So I will continue.
I also came up with the crazy idea to take my kids on daily bike ride outings. I know to most people that doesn't sound all that crazy. I, however, am not most people. By this I mean I have 4 kids aged almost 7, 4, 4 and 3. Because of their relatively young ages, I will have a toddler seat attached to my bike as well as a bike trailer for 2 additional kids. The only thing better would be to have a small child bike attachment behind my bike and then the trailer... I am not that crazy! Dominic, my oldest, will ride his own bike, pending he learns to listen a little better.
I came up with this wild idea because there are so many things to do in Holland during the summer for kids that are free or mostly free. The library has summer reading programs, there are at least 4 parks near my home (one of which does a kid concert every Friday), the bowling alley about a mile from my house gives every kid 2 games free every day if they want, not to mention the playgrounds, picnics and numerous other things we can do. I want to keep the kids busy all day! I want to make the most of my summer. And I want to do it at little to no cost to me. Hence the bike. Our only vehicle doesn't get very good gas mileage and with our weekly trips northward, it gets expensive. Not to mention I could stand to get some more exercise in... Win, win right? Here's to praying it is!
Speaking of heading northward, that's where I am off to tomorrow. I will be in the Ludington/Manistee area for 4 days. When I return I hope to blog about our trip and maybe, just maybe post a picture or two. That would mean I would have to learn how.... So we will see. =)
After this weekend, I hope to have a schedule and routine figured out. Part of which will be blogging! So everyone can follow the adventures of a crazy stay at home mom of about 3 too many kids... LOL j/k
Seriously though, I want to keep track of all that we do in the hopes that some day the kids can read it and it will bring back the memories.
Until next time!
Hugs ~ B.
My goal with this blog was to post way more often than I am, however, during the summer our family schedule is just so darn busy that I'm not sure I will have the time. And I don't help matters by adding to an already packed summer!
During the summer, every Friday, I play on a softball team in Manistee and continue to live in Holland. Yup, I know it seems silly to drive 2 hours just for a game... BUT I get to see my family and am already in the area at least 2 weekends a month anyways. So what's another 1-2 weekends? I love it! That's what matters. It's the only thing I do for myself. So I will continue.
I also came up with the crazy idea to take my kids on daily bike ride outings. I know to most people that doesn't sound all that crazy. I, however, am not most people. By this I mean I have 4 kids aged almost 7, 4, 4 and 3. Because of their relatively young ages, I will have a toddler seat attached to my bike as well as a bike trailer for 2 additional kids. The only thing better would be to have a small child bike attachment behind my bike and then the trailer... I am not that crazy! Dominic, my oldest, will ride his own bike, pending he learns to listen a little better.
I came up with this wild idea because there are so many things to do in Holland during the summer for kids that are free or mostly free. The library has summer reading programs, there are at least 4 parks near my home (one of which does a kid concert every Friday), the bowling alley about a mile from my house gives every kid 2 games free every day if they want, not to mention the playgrounds, picnics and numerous other things we can do. I want to keep the kids busy all day! I want to make the most of my summer. And I want to do it at little to no cost to me. Hence the bike. Our only vehicle doesn't get very good gas mileage and with our weekly trips northward, it gets expensive. Not to mention I could stand to get some more exercise in... Win, win right? Here's to praying it is!
Speaking of heading northward, that's where I am off to tomorrow. I will be in the Ludington/Manistee area for 4 days. When I return I hope to blog about our trip and maybe, just maybe post a picture or two. That would mean I would have to learn how.... So we will see. =)
After this weekend, I hope to have a schedule and routine figured out. Part of which will be blogging! So everyone can follow the adventures of a crazy stay at home mom of about 3 too many kids... LOL j/k
Seriously though, I want to keep track of all that we do in the hopes that some day the kids can read it and it will bring back the memories.
Until next time!
Hugs ~ B.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Friend or foe?
I need to write about a recent event in my life to help me get past it. I'm going to keep it as short and discrete as possible. Please note this is for ME. Amazing how once in awhile I need to do things for ME... That's the reason the event occurred.
I was good friends with who I thought was a very nice person. She and I are both stay at home moms however, we have completely different home lives. I have 4 very energetic children who are only 4 years apart from oldest to youngest. I choose to stay home to save money on daycare and raise my kids myself. She has 2 children who are 6 years apart. She stays home because of epilepsy and seems to hate it. She likes being with her children, but hates the epilepsy part (from my observations).
*This story is my side and my side alone, please remember that.*
I posted for advice on FB, like I normally do when I am running out of answers on most anything in life. The woman I am going to refer to as Sally left 2 comments, one was helpful, the other was very hurtful. Sally is widely known for speaking before thinking. She doesn't filter what she says and often times ends up apologizing for what she said because it was hurtful and or out of line. An incident like that happened to me with her second comment. I was informed I am too lenient of a parent and that's why my kids behave the way they do. I was hurt very much by this comment because I work very hard to be the best parent I can be. I responded with my own remark about how in my observation she isn't any more strict than I am, so basically please don't point fingers.
It was my comment that resulted in a lot of texting back and forth between the 2 of us. Side note, fighting over text messages is annoying. Anyways, I keep trying to explain why I was hurt and how she should not point fingers at people. She kept trying to tell me I asked for it by asking for advice on FB and that I was wrong for "bashing" her back.
I'm sorry, but asking for advice is one thing... Putting someone down as a person or parent is another.
Anyway, one thing lead to another and Sally ended up telling me that my children are "hyper mouthy little brats with no structure or discipline." That was my last straw. I have put up with her put downs similar to that but not as extreme since the day I met her. Usually they were about me or my husband. Those I could take. This one however was a direct blow to my children who did nothing in the world to deserve it. So, I ended our "friendship" right then and there.
A couple of hours later, she sent me what seemed like a heartfelt apology. When I finally responded (after a few more hours of careful thought on what I wanted out of this). I responded with telling her I appreciated her apology but I basically wasn't ready to accept it and needed time to be left alone. I also told her I hoped she learns from this that she can't just say what ever the hell she wants and just apologize later, because in my opinion that is no way to live your life. You see I have witnessed her doing this very same thing with several others in her life, it's why a lot of people in my life thought I was crazy to be her friend. I always defended her to them saying she was ultimately a good person and that I could look past her opinions.
Anyways, she responded to my message by telling me I was also wrong and basically I should apologize too. That now the ball was in my court but her conscience was now clear. SO, what I learned is the seemingly heartfelt apology was only for her. So she could go on living with a "clear conscience." She will most likely go on like this was all my fault and she did all she could by saying sorry.
The thing is, I'm NOT sorry. I didn't do anything wrong. She "attacked" me with her opinion and when I told her so for the first time in our friendship, she flipped out. I rarely stand up for myself, but this was concerning my children. I cannot and will not deal with other people putting my children down. They are good kids. I, meaning ME, MYSELF and I, am the one who gets stressed out with my life. Sometimes I ask for advice so I can be a better parent. You will never hear me ask for advice on how to make my kids better, because they are all I could have asked for and more. They don't need to be any better than they already are.
It's really too bad the friendship ended. However, in light of everything that happened, I realize now it wasn't a good friendship for me in the first place. If I have to put aside my feelings and am not allowed to have opinions, then it isn't healthy for me. I have to worry about me first and others second. If someone, like Sally, cannot accept that, then they don't deserve to be my friend. I am worth so much more than put downs or having to worry about whether or not me having my own opinion will piss someone off.
In the end, I feel I did the right thing and I have no plans to apologize for anything. Sally needed to hear what I had to say. I found I quote on FB that I feel sums up my thoughts on the matter: "
I was good friends with who I thought was a very nice person. She and I are both stay at home moms however, we have completely different home lives. I have 4 very energetic children who are only 4 years apart from oldest to youngest. I choose to stay home to save money on daycare and raise my kids myself. She has 2 children who are 6 years apart. She stays home because of epilepsy and seems to hate it. She likes being with her children, but hates the epilepsy part (from my observations).
*This story is my side and my side alone, please remember that.*
I posted for advice on FB, like I normally do when I am running out of answers on most anything in life. The woman I am going to refer to as Sally left 2 comments, one was helpful, the other was very hurtful. Sally is widely known for speaking before thinking. She doesn't filter what she says and often times ends up apologizing for what she said because it was hurtful and or out of line. An incident like that happened to me with her second comment. I was informed I am too lenient of a parent and that's why my kids behave the way they do. I was hurt very much by this comment because I work very hard to be the best parent I can be. I responded with my own remark about how in my observation she isn't any more strict than I am, so basically please don't point fingers.
It was my comment that resulted in a lot of texting back and forth between the 2 of us. Side note, fighting over text messages is annoying. Anyways, I keep trying to explain why I was hurt and how she should not point fingers at people. She kept trying to tell me I asked for it by asking for advice on FB and that I was wrong for "bashing" her back.
I'm sorry, but asking for advice is one thing... Putting someone down as a person or parent is another.
Anyway, one thing lead to another and Sally ended up telling me that my children are "hyper mouthy little brats with no structure or discipline." That was my last straw. I have put up with her put downs similar to that but not as extreme since the day I met her. Usually they were about me or my husband. Those I could take. This one however was a direct blow to my children who did nothing in the world to deserve it. So, I ended our "friendship" right then and there.
A couple of hours later, she sent me what seemed like a heartfelt apology. When I finally responded (after a few more hours of careful thought on what I wanted out of this). I responded with telling her I appreciated her apology but I basically wasn't ready to accept it and needed time to be left alone. I also told her I hoped she learns from this that she can't just say what ever the hell she wants and just apologize later, because in my opinion that is no way to live your life. You see I have witnessed her doing this very same thing with several others in her life, it's why a lot of people in my life thought I was crazy to be her friend. I always defended her to them saying she was ultimately a good person and that I could look past her opinions.
Anyways, she responded to my message by telling me I was also wrong and basically I should apologize too. That now the ball was in my court but her conscience was now clear. SO, what I learned is the seemingly heartfelt apology was only for her. So she could go on living with a "clear conscience." She will most likely go on like this was all my fault and she did all she could by saying sorry.
The thing is, I'm NOT sorry. I didn't do anything wrong. She "attacked" me with her opinion and when I told her so for the first time in our friendship, she flipped out. I rarely stand up for myself, but this was concerning my children. I cannot and will not deal with other people putting my children down. They are good kids. I, meaning ME, MYSELF and I, am the one who gets stressed out with my life. Sometimes I ask for advice so I can be a better parent. You will never hear me ask for advice on how to make my kids better, because they are all I could have asked for and more. They don't need to be any better than they already are.
It's really too bad the friendship ended. However, in light of everything that happened, I realize now it wasn't a good friendship for me in the first place. If I have to put aside my feelings and am not allowed to have opinions, then it isn't healthy for me. I have to worry about me first and others second. If someone, like Sally, cannot accept that, then they don't deserve to be my friend. I am worth so much more than put downs or having to worry about whether or not me having my own opinion will piss someone off.
In the end, I feel I did the right thing and I have no plans to apologize for anything. Sally needed to hear what I had to say. I found I quote on FB that I feel sums up my thoughts on the matter: "
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