I've repeatedly heard the saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If that were the case I should be able to bench press a Buick by now! The latest hardship to hit my life happened about 10 days ago when I was running and landed too hard and off balance on my left foot and stress fractured it. I sought out medical treatment because being a stay at home mom I am on my feet what seems like 24/7. It was determined I had a probable stress fracture with definite swelling of some small bones in my left foot around my second to last toe. The treatment for both are the same, so my doctor opted to not order a MRI (which is the only thing that will pick up a stress fracture). He put me in a soft cast with a walking boot, told me to leave that on for 3-4 days and then remove the soft cast but continue wearing the boot for the remainder of 2 weeks. FUN! Or not really.
I did as I was told. I was also instructed to limit mobility on my foot and keep it elevated. Like that is entirely possible with 4 kids and a husband who works 3rd shift. Not to mention our pets. I did relax and let some house work go and tried to stay off my foot as much as possible. However, the day after I removed the soft cast the pain in my foot came right back and got worse each day. So after 3 days of that I called the doctor back to figure out what to do. His solution? A hard cast for 2 weeks, which also meant crutches for 2 weeks. Grrrr...
To say the least, after only a day of this adventure and having my husband around the entire time, I can tell you it will be a VERY LONG 2 weeks. When I go back in, it is not guaranteed that the hard cast will come off. Great to know.
I am already incredibly sore in my arms and right leg. It makes me wonder how many extra calories I burn getting around this way. And if it does any good to my arm muscles and loose skin? Maybe I should research that... I've been on crutches before and it didn't seem to help me much. I would also like to think it will help stomach muscles and tighten skin there too because I use my stomach to hop along. Odd as that may sound. Those muscles are also tender.
I guess I will have to make the best of this situation. I used to think a broken leg and a cast would be one of the hardest things to deal with as far as my health and taking care of my kids were concerned. I suppose I will see.
Hugs ~B.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Train, Plane & Automobile!
Tomorrow I set off on a big adventure all by myself! I am traveling to Utah to see some college friends, one of which I have not seen in 8 years. This will be my first ever experience vacationing without my family. I am beyond ready for the much needed break, rest and relaxation. I love the fact that we don't really have much of a schedule to follow. AND I am consulting a Thirty-One party while I am there, so the mileage is a tax deduction (as though I were driving anyways).
My Thirty-One is going really well. I have a couple of amazing things lined up in the next couple of months, but am wishing I had more parties booked. I really enjoy getting out and meeting new people, so consulting parties is amazing for me. Which is also my sole reason for being a consultant.
Things around our house have settled down a bit now that everyone is in school. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I am free of kids from 8:15-11:15. It's only 3 hours twice a week, but it's a very nice break. Soon I am looking into volunteering at a school to help with my resume. I would like to return to work next fall and want to help out my lacking education resume. I also want to get back to doing what I love and that is watching children learn.
We are still in search of job opportunities for m husband so we can move back towards our home of Ludington and closer to our family. I pray every day it is in the plans for us. We miss being "home" terribly, but there are not an abundance of jobs for Jesse there. I know I need to be patient and life will work out when it is supposed to.
I know I have lots more that I would like to write about, but for now I am going to call it quits as I have lots to do before I leave tomorrow morning!
Until then,
Hugs ~B.
My Thirty-One is going really well. I have a couple of amazing things lined up in the next couple of months, but am wishing I had more parties booked. I really enjoy getting out and meeting new people, so consulting parties is amazing for me. Which is also my sole reason for being a consultant.
Things around our house have settled down a bit now that everyone is in school. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I am free of kids from 8:15-11:15. It's only 3 hours twice a week, but it's a very nice break. Soon I am looking into volunteering at a school to help with my resume. I would like to return to work next fall and want to help out my lacking education resume. I also want to get back to doing what I love and that is watching children learn.
We are still in search of job opportunities for m husband so we can move back towards our home of Ludington and closer to our family. I pray every day it is in the plans for us. We miss being "home" terribly, but there are not an abundance of jobs for Jesse there. I know I need to be patient and life will work out when it is supposed to.
I know I have lots more that I would like to write about, but for now I am going to call it quits as I have lots to do before I leave tomorrow morning!
Until then,
Hugs ~B.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Climbing a mountain.
I've been working on doing things more for myself, such as daily showers and exercise. However, I think it would be easier to climb a mountain. One would think something like a daily shower would be an easy accomplishment. I, however, seem to struggle to fit it in.
Lately I have become harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. The effects from my insomnia have really started to take their toll on me. After 3 years of struggling with this disease, once I fall asleep, I rarely want to wake up. For me the issue is falling asleep, not staying asleep. However, being that my husband works 3rd shift, I am the only one here to deal with a sleep walking toddler, bad dreams and night time sickness. I am usually awoken at least once if not up to three times by one of my four kids, each and every night. It takes me a good 2 hours to fall asleep once I'm ready for bed. So, having sleep interrupted is very hard on me.
The issue of lack of sleep is a constant battle in my household. My husband has to switch his sleep schedule every week and ends up with a total of 6 nights of sleep a week instead of 7 if you add up the hours he gets and divide by 7. I however, usually end up with 5 nights doing the same equation. So my question remains, who has it worse? The one who averages less sleep per night with 1-3 interruptions during or the one who averages more sleep per day in less days? I've been told sleeping during the day is not as good as sleeping at night. However, interrupted sleep is not as good as uninterrupted sleep during the day.
I wish this issue could be solved for us. Unfortunately, I think it will forever be a stand off, agreeing to disagree over sleep between my husband and I. Which is really too bad. It's the only thing we struggle with. I guess I'm glad it's not finances that drive us to arguing though. :o)
However, we each have an uphill battle everyday or night for that matter while we have to be awake. I struggle to stay awake to take care of my kids and usually run out of energy before I run out of what I should do in a day. He struggles at times to stay awake all night operating and fixing huge deep draw stamping presses that can potentially kill him if he's not careful. As well as running out of patients with everyone around him before he is able to go back to bed.
For his safety I give up on my sleep. But for my sanity and the kids' well being he will also give up on his sleep. Neither is a good solution. So what is?? I wish I knew the answer. Until then we will have to continue to climb the mountain of tiredness.
Hugs, ~B.
Lately I have become harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. The effects from my insomnia have really started to take their toll on me. After 3 years of struggling with this disease, once I fall asleep, I rarely want to wake up. For me the issue is falling asleep, not staying asleep. However, being that my husband works 3rd shift, I am the only one here to deal with a sleep walking toddler, bad dreams and night time sickness. I am usually awoken at least once if not up to three times by one of my four kids, each and every night. It takes me a good 2 hours to fall asleep once I'm ready for bed. So, having sleep interrupted is very hard on me.
The issue of lack of sleep is a constant battle in my household. My husband has to switch his sleep schedule every week and ends up with a total of 6 nights of sleep a week instead of 7 if you add up the hours he gets and divide by 7. I however, usually end up with 5 nights doing the same equation. So my question remains, who has it worse? The one who averages less sleep per night with 1-3 interruptions during or the one who averages more sleep per day in less days? I've been told sleeping during the day is not as good as sleeping at night. However, interrupted sleep is not as good as uninterrupted sleep during the day.
I wish this issue could be solved for us. Unfortunately, I think it will forever be a stand off, agreeing to disagree over sleep between my husband and I. Which is really too bad. It's the only thing we struggle with. I guess I'm glad it's not finances that drive us to arguing though. :o)
However, we each have an uphill battle everyday or night for that matter while we have to be awake. I struggle to stay awake to take care of my kids and usually run out of energy before I run out of what I should do in a day. He struggles at times to stay awake all night operating and fixing huge deep draw stamping presses that can potentially kill him if he's not careful. As well as running out of patients with everyone around him before he is able to go back to bed.
For his safety I give up on my sleep. But for my sanity and the kids' well being he will also give up on his sleep. Neither is a good solution. So what is?? I wish I knew the answer. Until then we will have to continue to climb the mountain of tiredness.
Hugs, ~B.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Mission: Making a better Becca
Alright, alright, alright already! I know it's September and I have hardly even thought of this blog. To say that I have been busy just doesn't do myself justice. I know everyone feels busy, but I am pretty sure I top the list of busy. Here's a quick recap of the last month in my life.
I spend every weekend an hour and a half from my current home in Holland. I go back to my home town area to play softball with my family on a co-ed slow pitch league. My husband generally stays here while I take my 4 kids so he can work the overtime we need to survive. My weeks have been spent unpacking, doing laundry and regular chores done in 7 days condensed down to 5 days, and repacking for the weekend away. On top of this our only vehicle was vandalized and had to go away for a week for repairs. We got a 5 seater rental from our insurance company and if you follow my blog, you will know that was 1 seat short for our family. To say the least it was an interesting week. We have also added a puppy to our family and I have started working from home. Both are taking more of my time than I ever imagined. Now, my youngest and oldest have returned to school as well as my husband. I am preparing to be gone for a long weekend in October to visit college friends I haven't seen in about 8 years! There is also the return of preschool for my twins in October as well as religious education classes for all 4 kids at the end of September. My oldest will be joining a bowling league soon, which will occupy my Saturday mornings. Then there is the fact that my husband is still job searching so we can live closer to our family and raise our kids in the area we want them to grow up in. Phew! No wonder I'm so dead tired every night. And I am still battling that ridiculous insomnia.
Now that everyone is updated, I want to get to the point of my blog. ME. I always put everything else in my life first. My kids, family, pets, job, house, everything! That has to stop. I mean I don't even get time to shower every day. As gross as that may sound to most people it is a very real part of my life with 4 kids. So if you are considering a big family, maybe consider what you will be giving up.
Anyways, I want to work on me. Just me. Nothing that doesn't involve me, myself and I. Part of my goals always used to contain my family, job or house. But I need to step back and work on me. I have a few things in mind... 1. shower, daily no excuses 2. workout 5 times weekly 3. give myself time for me to do the things I enjoy daily (even 20 minutes is enough) 4. make decisions based on me instead of everyone else This last one is gonna be very hard, but I need to make that change. I do understand that my kids will almost always influence my decisions in one way or another. However, they should not be my only deciding factor. I need to make sure I'm doing things that will be good for me as well. I need not be sorry for taking time to myself or feel guilty when I want some alone time.
I know I sound very selfish. I've never said these types of things so boldly before. I personally don't care what others will think because I know myself and I know it's time for this change to happen. I've been working all summer on making myself better. And I've done so in every other aspect except for me personally. I'm sure this is confusing, so let me explain.
I've done lots to be more motivated, more patient with my kids, keeping my house cleaner, and lots of other things that involve not only myself but others in my life. Now I want to work on things that will only benefit myself. No one around me cares if I shower every 2-3 days or daily. Nor do they care if I workout or get a quiet minute to myself. I have also not made a decision solely for me since before I met my husband. So little over 13 years ago. For me to feel better as a person, about myself, I need to do these things.
So, here's to starting the next chapter!
~Hugs, B.
I spend every weekend an hour and a half from my current home in Holland. I go back to my home town area to play softball with my family on a co-ed slow pitch league. My husband generally stays here while I take my 4 kids so he can work the overtime we need to survive. My weeks have been spent unpacking, doing laundry and regular chores done in 7 days condensed down to 5 days, and repacking for the weekend away. On top of this our only vehicle was vandalized and had to go away for a week for repairs. We got a 5 seater rental from our insurance company and if you follow my blog, you will know that was 1 seat short for our family. To say the least it was an interesting week. We have also added a puppy to our family and I have started working from home. Both are taking more of my time than I ever imagined. Now, my youngest and oldest have returned to school as well as my husband. I am preparing to be gone for a long weekend in October to visit college friends I haven't seen in about 8 years! There is also the return of preschool for my twins in October as well as religious education classes for all 4 kids at the end of September. My oldest will be joining a bowling league soon, which will occupy my Saturday mornings. Then there is the fact that my husband is still job searching so we can live closer to our family and raise our kids in the area we want them to grow up in. Phew! No wonder I'm so dead tired every night. And I am still battling that ridiculous insomnia.
Now that everyone is updated, I want to get to the point of my blog. ME. I always put everything else in my life first. My kids, family, pets, job, house, everything! That has to stop. I mean I don't even get time to shower every day. As gross as that may sound to most people it is a very real part of my life with 4 kids. So if you are considering a big family, maybe consider what you will be giving up.
Anyways, I want to work on me. Just me. Nothing that doesn't involve me, myself and I. Part of my goals always used to contain my family, job or house. But I need to step back and work on me. I have a few things in mind... 1. shower, daily no excuses 2. workout 5 times weekly 3. give myself time for me to do the things I enjoy daily (even 20 minutes is enough) 4. make decisions based on me instead of everyone else This last one is gonna be very hard, but I need to make that change. I do understand that my kids will almost always influence my decisions in one way or another. However, they should not be my only deciding factor. I need to make sure I'm doing things that will be good for me as well. I need not be sorry for taking time to myself or feel guilty when I want some alone time.
I know I sound very selfish. I've never said these types of things so boldly before. I personally don't care what others will think because I know myself and I know it's time for this change to happen. I've been working all summer on making myself better. And I've done so in every other aspect except for me personally. I'm sure this is confusing, so let me explain.
I've done lots to be more motivated, more patient with my kids, keeping my house cleaner, and lots of other things that involve not only myself but others in my life. Now I want to work on things that will only benefit myself. No one around me cares if I shower every 2-3 days or daily. Nor do they care if I workout or get a quiet minute to myself. I have also not made a decision solely for me since before I met my husband. So little over 13 years ago. For me to feel better as a person, about myself, I need to do these things.
So, here's to starting the next chapter!
~Hugs, B.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Mid August already??
I cannot believe our summer is almost over!! The kids go back to school in just under 3 weeks... Well, 2 of mine do. The girls school program for 4 year old preschoolers doesn't start until the beginning of October. Once that comes along, I will have 2 half days off!! To put into words how excited I am is not possible. For the first week or 2 I plan to just relax and do whatever I feel like doing. However, after that I plan to volunteer in the schools to hopefully build my resume back up. I plan to return to the work force next year when the twins enter kindergarten. I know I want to utilize my degree and work in the schools, however I'm not sure what I will find. At the very least I will substitute teach.
Besides school starting back up, so does religious education classes. I'm very happy that all of our kids will be attending this year. This means they get more social time in a very positive way and Jesse and I get a date night every week! We will probably just do our grocery shopping together, but at least it is something.
However, back to school also means back to night classes for Jesse. Back to single parenthood for me. I am not looking forward to that at all. At least this semester it is only one night a week. However, this is looking to be his last semester at the community college and he will start his bachelor's program at Ferris. I am praying he will be able to utilize their Grand Rapids campus instead of having to drive to Big Rapids for classes. With us only having one car, that will suck to say the least.
So, the remainder of my summer is going to be full of back to school preparation. I'm pleased to say school clothes are out of the way. However, there are still supplies, books for Jesse and tons of paperwork for the preschools and church.
Other than being especially busy this time of year, life is going good. I'm more and more excited about starting my Thirty-one adventure. I already have at least 3 prospective parties, so that is a good thing. Let's just keep praying this works out for me.
Hugs ~ B.
Besides school starting back up, so does religious education classes. I'm very happy that all of our kids will be attending this year. This means they get more social time in a very positive way and Jesse and I get a date night every week! We will probably just do our grocery shopping together, but at least it is something.
However, back to school also means back to night classes for Jesse. Back to single parenthood for me. I am not looking forward to that at all. At least this semester it is only one night a week. However, this is looking to be his last semester at the community college and he will start his bachelor's program at Ferris. I am praying he will be able to utilize their Grand Rapids campus instead of having to drive to Big Rapids for classes. With us only having one car, that will suck to say the least.
So, the remainder of my summer is going to be full of back to school preparation. I'm pleased to say school clothes are out of the way. However, there are still supplies, books for Jesse and tons of paperwork for the preschools and church.
Other than being especially busy this time of year, life is going good. I'm more and more excited about starting my Thirty-one adventure. I already have at least 3 prospective parties, so that is a good thing. Let's just keep praying this works out for me.
Hugs ~ B.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
This, that and everything in between!
Okay, okay, okay. I know it has been over a month since I last published anything on here. I'm very disappointed to say the least. I wouldn't be so much, if I had good things to report but unfortunately I don't. Let's start with a quick recap.
First of all, the bike adventures have yet to happen because my bike broke and it takes my husband and I at least 5 times as long to do anything as most people. Second, July is just a hard emotional month for me because it is the month I lost my dad. It also contains Dominic's birthday, our anniversary and a holiday.
Some might wonder why a holiday would be emotional. For me it is a constant reminder of the fact that we live exactly too far away from our family and the area we want to raise our kids in. We are doing everything in our power to move back "home." However, life just hasn't given us the opportunity. It makes my heart heavy with ache. I have yet to understand why God and the powers that be keep us so far away from our loved ones. Maybe I will never know.
Anywho, I have also struggled with my insomnia lately so I have been trying to stay away from the computer at night, which is the only real time I have to post on here.
Oh, and we added a new family member... We got a puppy. He's a beagle mix and his name is Orion. He's an amazing dog, however potty training an animal is harder than a toddler. I guess life is trying to teach me patients even more so. I wouldn't trade him for anything though. Once we get the potty stuff down, he will be down right perfect.
I am also starting a new adventure as a Thirty-One consultant. It's a fabulous company that I can work from home for. It will also get me out of the house and social time with other adults. I'm so excited! I'm also so nervous that I won't find many customers or family/friends to host parties for me. I've been working on getting things set up and planning how to get the ball rolling. If anyone reading this would like to learn more about Thirty-One or would like to host a party, I'm very happy to travel. Just email me at beccamoser31@yahoo.com. Yup, this was a shameless plug of promotion. I hope it worked! :-)
As for some pictures, they will come. Sooner than later I really hope. Jesse has to teach me how to hook the camera up to the computer. I am so out of touch with technology, it's pathetic.
~hugs, B.
First of all, the bike adventures have yet to happen because my bike broke and it takes my husband and I at least 5 times as long to do anything as most people. Second, July is just a hard emotional month for me because it is the month I lost my dad. It also contains Dominic's birthday, our anniversary and a holiday.
Some might wonder why a holiday would be emotional. For me it is a constant reminder of the fact that we live exactly too far away from our family and the area we want to raise our kids in. We are doing everything in our power to move back "home." However, life just hasn't given us the opportunity. It makes my heart heavy with ache. I have yet to understand why God and the powers that be keep us so far away from our loved ones. Maybe I will never know.
Anywho, I have also struggled with my insomnia lately so I have been trying to stay away from the computer at night, which is the only real time I have to post on here.
Oh, and we added a new family member... We got a puppy. He's a beagle mix and his name is Orion. He's an amazing dog, however potty training an animal is harder than a toddler. I guess life is trying to teach me patients even more so. I wouldn't trade him for anything though. Once we get the potty stuff down, he will be down right perfect.
I am also starting a new adventure as a Thirty-One consultant. It's a fabulous company that I can work from home for. It will also get me out of the house and social time with other adults. I'm so excited! I'm also so nervous that I won't find many customers or family/friends to host parties for me. I've been working on getting things set up and planning how to get the ball rolling. If anyone reading this would like to learn more about Thirty-One or would like to host a party, I'm very happy to travel. Just email me at beccamoser31@yahoo.com. Yup, this was a shameless plug of promotion. I hope it worked! :-)
As for some pictures, they will come. Sooner than later I really hope. Jesse has to teach me how to hook the camera up to the computer. I am so out of touch with technology, it's pathetic.
~hugs, B.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Time flies!
Wow! Time sure does fly when you are having fun. :o)
My goal with this blog was to post way more often than I am, however, during the summer our family schedule is just so darn busy that I'm not sure I will have the time. And I don't help matters by adding to an already packed summer!
During the summer, every Friday, I play on a softball team in Manistee and continue to live in Holland. Yup, I know it seems silly to drive 2 hours just for a game... BUT I get to see my family and am already in the area at least 2 weekends a month anyways. So what's another 1-2 weekends? I love it! That's what matters. It's the only thing I do for myself. So I will continue.
I also came up with the crazy idea to take my kids on daily bike ride outings. I know to most people that doesn't sound all that crazy. I, however, am not most people. By this I mean I have 4 kids aged almost 7, 4, 4 and 3. Because of their relatively young ages, I will have a toddler seat attached to my bike as well as a bike trailer for 2 additional kids. The only thing better would be to have a small child bike attachment behind my bike and then the trailer... I am not that crazy! Dominic, my oldest, will ride his own bike, pending he learns to listen a little better.
I came up with this wild idea because there are so many things to do in Holland during the summer for kids that are free or mostly free. The library has summer reading programs, there are at least 4 parks near my home (one of which does a kid concert every Friday), the bowling alley about a mile from my house gives every kid 2 games free every day if they want, not to mention the playgrounds, picnics and numerous other things we can do. I want to keep the kids busy all day! I want to make the most of my summer. And I want to do it at little to no cost to me. Hence the bike. Our only vehicle doesn't get very good gas mileage and with our weekly trips northward, it gets expensive. Not to mention I could stand to get some more exercise in... Win, win right? Here's to praying it is!
Speaking of heading northward, that's where I am off to tomorrow. I will be in the Ludington/Manistee area for 4 days. When I return I hope to blog about our trip and maybe, just maybe post a picture or two. That would mean I would have to learn how.... So we will see. =)
After this weekend, I hope to have a schedule and routine figured out. Part of which will be blogging! So everyone can follow the adventures of a crazy stay at home mom of about 3 too many kids... LOL j/k
Seriously though, I want to keep track of all that we do in the hopes that some day the kids can read it and it will bring back the memories.
Until next time!
Hugs ~ B.
My goal with this blog was to post way more often than I am, however, during the summer our family schedule is just so darn busy that I'm not sure I will have the time. And I don't help matters by adding to an already packed summer!
During the summer, every Friday, I play on a softball team in Manistee and continue to live in Holland. Yup, I know it seems silly to drive 2 hours just for a game... BUT I get to see my family and am already in the area at least 2 weekends a month anyways. So what's another 1-2 weekends? I love it! That's what matters. It's the only thing I do for myself. So I will continue.
I also came up with the crazy idea to take my kids on daily bike ride outings. I know to most people that doesn't sound all that crazy. I, however, am not most people. By this I mean I have 4 kids aged almost 7, 4, 4 and 3. Because of their relatively young ages, I will have a toddler seat attached to my bike as well as a bike trailer for 2 additional kids. The only thing better would be to have a small child bike attachment behind my bike and then the trailer... I am not that crazy! Dominic, my oldest, will ride his own bike, pending he learns to listen a little better.
I came up with this wild idea because there are so many things to do in Holland during the summer for kids that are free or mostly free. The library has summer reading programs, there are at least 4 parks near my home (one of which does a kid concert every Friday), the bowling alley about a mile from my house gives every kid 2 games free every day if they want, not to mention the playgrounds, picnics and numerous other things we can do. I want to keep the kids busy all day! I want to make the most of my summer. And I want to do it at little to no cost to me. Hence the bike. Our only vehicle doesn't get very good gas mileage and with our weekly trips northward, it gets expensive. Not to mention I could stand to get some more exercise in... Win, win right? Here's to praying it is!
Speaking of heading northward, that's where I am off to tomorrow. I will be in the Ludington/Manistee area for 4 days. When I return I hope to blog about our trip and maybe, just maybe post a picture or two. That would mean I would have to learn how.... So we will see. =)
After this weekend, I hope to have a schedule and routine figured out. Part of which will be blogging! So everyone can follow the adventures of a crazy stay at home mom of about 3 too many kids... LOL j/k
Seriously though, I want to keep track of all that we do in the hopes that some day the kids can read it and it will bring back the memories.
Until next time!
Hugs ~ B.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Friend or foe?
I need to write about a recent event in my life to help me get past it. I'm going to keep it as short and discrete as possible. Please note this is for ME. Amazing how once in awhile I need to do things for ME... That's the reason the event occurred.
I was good friends with who I thought was a very nice person. She and I are both stay at home moms however, we have completely different home lives. I have 4 very energetic children who are only 4 years apart from oldest to youngest. I choose to stay home to save money on daycare and raise my kids myself. She has 2 children who are 6 years apart. She stays home because of epilepsy and seems to hate it. She likes being with her children, but hates the epilepsy part (from my observations).
*This story is my side and my side alone, please remember that.*
I posted for advice on FB, like I normally do when I am running out of answers on most anything in life. The woman I am going to refer to as Sally left 2 comments, one was helpful, the other was very hurtful. Sally is widely known for speaking before thinking. She doesn't filter what she says and often times ends up apologizing for what she said because it was hurtful and or out of line. An incident like that happened to me with her second comment. I was informed I am too lenient of a parent and that's why my kids behave the way they do. I was hurt very much by this comment because I work very hard to be the best parent I can be. I responded with my own remark about how in my observation she isn't any more strict than I am, so basically please don't point fingers.
It was my comment that resulted in a lot of texting back and forth between the 2 of us. Side note, fighting over text messages is annoying. Anyways, I keep trying to explain why I was hurt and how she should not point fingers at people. She kept trying to tell me I asked for it by asking for advice on FB and that I was wrong for "bashing" her back.
I'm sorry, but asking for advice is one thing... Putting someone down as a person or parent is another.
Anyway, one thing lead to another and Sally ended up telling me that my children are "hyper mouthy little brats with no structure or discipline." That was my last straw. I have put up with her put downs similar to that but not as extreme since the day I met her. Usually they were about me or my husband. Those I could take. This one however was a direct blow to my children who did nothing in the world to deserve it. So, I ended our "friendship" right then and there.
A couple of hours later, she sent me what seemed like a heartfelt apology. When I finally responded (after a few more hours of careful thought on what I wanted out of this). I responded with telling her I appreciated her apology but I basically wasn't ready to accept it and needed time to be left alone. I also told her I hoped she learns from this that she can't just say what ever the hell she wants and just apologize later, because in my opinion that is no way to live your life. You see I have witnessed her doing this very same thing with several others in her life, it's why a lot of people in my life thought I was crazy to be her friend. I always defended her to them saying she was ultimately a good person and that I could look past her opinions.
Anyways, she responded to my message by telling me I was also wrong and basically I should apologize too. That now the ball was in my court but her conscience was now clear. SO, what I learned is the seemingly heartfelt apology was only for her. So she could go on living with a "clear conscience." She will most likely go on like this was all my fault and she did all she could by saying sorry.
The thing is, I'm NOT sorry. I didn't do anything wrong. She "attacked" me with her opinion and when I told her so for the first time in our friendship, she flipped out. I rarely stand up for myself, but this was concerning my children. I cannot and will not deal with other people putting my children down. They are good kids. I, meaning ME, MYSELF and I, am the one who gets stressed out with my life. Sometimes I ask for advice so I can be a better parent. You will never hear me ask for advice on how to make my kids better, because they are all I could have asked for and more. They don't need to be any better than they already are.
It's really too bad the friendship ended. However, in light of everything that happened, I realize now it wasn't a good friendship for me in the first place. If I have to put aside my feelings and am not allowed to have opinions, then it isn't healthy for me. I have to worry about me first and others second. If someone, like Sally, cannot accept that, then they don't deserve to be my friend. I am worth so much more than put downs or having to worry about whether or not me having my own opinion will piss someone off.
In the end, I feel I did the right thing and I have no plans to apologize for anything. Sally needed to hear what I had to say. I found I quote on FB that I feel sums up my thoughts on the matter: "
I was good friends with who I thought was a very nice person. She and I are both stay at home moms however, we have completely different home lives. I have 4 very energetic children who are only 4 years apart from oldest to youngest. I choose to stay home to save money on daycare and raise my kids myself. She has 2 children who are 6 years apart. She stays home because of epilepsy and seems to hate it. She likes being with her children, but hates the epilepsy part (from my observations).
*This story is my side and my side alone, please remember that.*
I posted for advice on FB, like I normally do when I am running out of answers on most anything in life. The woman I am going to refer to as Sally left 2 comments, one was helpful, the other was very hurtful. Sally is widely known for speaking before thinking. She doesn't filter what she says and often times ends up apologizing for what she said because it was hurtful and or out of line. An incident like that happened to me with her second comment. I was informed I am too lenient of a parent and that's why my kids behave the way they do. I was hurt very much by this comment because I work very hard to be the best parent I can be. I responded with my own remark about how in my observation she isn't any more strict than I am, so basically please don't point fingers.
It was my comment that resulted in a lot of texting back and forth between the 2 of us. Side note, fighting over text messages is annoying. Anyways, I keep trying to explain why I was hurt and how she should not point fingers at people. She kept trying to tell me I asked for it by asking for advice on FB and that I was wrong for "bashing" her back.
I'm sorry, but asking for advice is one thing... Putting someone down as a person or parent is another.
Anyway, one thing lead to another and Sally ended up telling me that my children are "hyper mouthy little brats with no structure or discipline." That was my last straw. I have put up with her put downs similar to that but not as extreme since the day I met her. Usually they were about me or my husband. Those I could take. This one however was a direct blow to my children who did nothing in the world to deserve it. So, I ended our "friendship" right then and there.
A couple of hours later, she sent me what seemed like a heartfelt apology. When I finally responded (after a few more hours of careful thought on what I wanted out of this). I responded with telling her I appreciated her apology but I basically wasn't ready to accept it and needed time to be left alone. I also told her I hoped she learns from this that she can't just say what ever the hell she wants and just apologize later, because in my opinion that is no way to live your life. You see I have witnessed her doing this very same thing with several others in her life, it's why a lot of people in my life thought I was crazy to be her friend. I always defended her to them saying she was ultimately a good person and that I could look past her opinions.
Anyways, she responded to my message by telling me I was also wrong and basically I should apologize too. That now the ball was in my court but her conscience was now clear. SO, what I learned is the seemingly heartfelt apology was only for her. So she could go on living with a "clear conscience." She will most likely go on like this was all my fault and she did all she could by saying sorry.
The thing is, I'm NOT sorry. I didn't do anything wrong. She "attacked" me with her opinion and when I told her so for the first time in our friendship, she flipped out. I rarely stand up for myself, but this was concerning my children. I cannot and will not deal with other people putting my children down. They are good kids. I, meaning ME, MYSELF and I, am the one who gets stressed out with my life. Sometimes I ask for advice so I can be a better parent. You will never hear me ask for advice on how to make my kids better, because they are all I could have asked for and more. They don't need to be any better than they already are.
It's really too bad the friendship ended. However, in light of everything that happened, I realize now it wasn't a good friendship for me in the first place. If I have to put aside my feelings and am not allowed to have opinions, then it isn't healthy for me. I have to worry about me first and others second. If someone, like Sally, cannot accept that, then they don't deserve to be my friend. I am worth so much more than put downs or having to worry about whether or not me having my own opinion will piss someone off.
In the end, I feel I did the right thing and I have no plans to apologize for anything. Sally needed to hear what I had to say. I found I quote on FB that I feel sums up my thoughts on the matter: "
Monday, April 30, 2012
WDW + Little Kids = Exhausted Momma
I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted on here! Not that I haven't been busy or anything, but I definitely wanted to do a better job of keeping up on this blog.
So, why have I been away so long? I was preparing for a trip to Walt Disney World with my 4 young children. We went for 5 days and it was magical! BUT, it was also exhausting. We did have a blast all in all, but traveling with 4 children aged 6 and younger was more of a challenge than I was prepared for. I definitely recommend to wait until your youngest child is at least 6 before attempting this adventure, unless of course you only have 1 child and then any age would be okay.
We spent the majority of our time on potty breaks or trying to find our way around. It was frustrating trying to maneuver around the parks and using the bus system. I was not prepared for the amount of potty breaks that we ended up taking nor was I prepared for the melt downs and bickering that happened. I did expect it to be worse than at home, but not nearly like it ended up being. Hence my reasoning for thinking the kids were just too young for this.
On the positive side though, Disney is a very magical place! Even Jesse got excited to meet the characters (princesses included). :o) I cannot describe the moment of wonder and awe that comes over you when you see Cinderella's castle for the first time! Or the chills you get watching the fireworks with the music and special effects. Or the tears of joy as your children flash the biggest smile of their lives at you when the princess or character gives them a hug. I heard on more than one occasion that it was "THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!" It was those moments that made all of the hassle and stress of the day melt away like it never existed. It was also those moments that make me crazy enough to want to go back... However, I think Keldan (our youngest at age 2.5) will have to be 9-10 years old before we return.
For those of you wondering, it was quite the fiasco getting us all there between the packing, planning and traveling. Taking the kids through airport security was an adventure in and of its self. Gillian peed herself at the security check point, leaving a nice puddle on the floor. That was a little embarrassing. Dominic decided on the way home he didn't need to walk any more by himself, so he was dragged in the skiing position through security. Saviera threw herself onto the resort's lobby floor and proceeded to throw a kicking/screaming fit, for which she was rewarded by the staff with a Minnie doll and balloon ("Because at Disney all princesses should be happy all of the time." Grrrr). Though as a bright side, the other 3 kids also got a doll, Minnie for Gillian and Mickey for the boys. They were pleased as punch and it didn't cost me a dime, just some stress and embarrassment from Saviera. Yes, that is a hefty price tag! Keldan didn't have any issues at all, other than being a little bit disappointed that he was exactly 1/2 an inch too short for 90% of the rides.
I hope to post some pictures soon, so until then it's late and I'm headed for bed... I'm still unpacking, doing laundry and tying up loose ends left from before the trip.
Hugs ~ B.
So, why have I been away so long? I was preparing for a trip to Walt Disney World with my 4 young children. We went for 5 days and it was magical! BUT, it was also exhausting. We did have a blast all in all, but traveling with 4 children aged 6 and younger was more of a challenge than I was prepared for. I definitely recommend to wait until your youngest child is at least 6 before attempting this adventure, unless of course you only have 1 child and then any age would be okay.
We spent the majority of our time on potty breaks or trying to find our way around. It was frustrating trying to maneuver around the parks and using the bus system. I was not prepared for the amount of potty breaks that we ended up taking nor was I prepared for the melt downs and bickering that happened. I did expect it to be worse than at home, but not nearly like it ended up being. Hence my reasoning for thinking the kids were just too young for this.
On the positive side though, Disney is a very magical place! Even Jesse got excited to meet the characters (princesses included). :o) I cannot describe the moment of wonder and awe that comes over you when you see Cinderella's castle for the first time! Or the chills you get watching the fireworks with the music and special effects. Or the tears of joy as your children flash the biggest smile of their lives at you when the princess or character gives them a hug. I heard on more than one occasion that it was "THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!" It was those moments that made all of the hassle and stress of the day melt away like it never existed. It was also those moments that make me crazy enough to want to go back... However, I think Keldan (our youngest at age 2.5) will have to be 9-10 years old before we return.
For those of you wondering, it was quite the fiasco getting us all there between the packing, planning and traveling. Taking the kids through airport security was an adventure in and of its self. Gillian peed herself at the security check point, leaving a nice puddle on the floor. That was a little embarrassing. Dominic decided on the way home he didn't need to walk any more by himself, so he was dragged in the skiing position through security. Saviera threw herself onto the resort's lobby floor and proceeded to throw a kicking/screaming fit, for which she was rewarded by the staff with a Minnie doll and balloon ("Because at Disney all princesses should be happy all of the time." Grrrr). Though as a bright side, the other 3 kids also got a doll, Minnie for Gillian and Mickey for the boys. They were pleased as punch and it didn't cost me a dime, just some stress and embarrassment from Saviera. Yes, that is a hefty price tag! Keldan didn't have any issues at all, other than being a little bit disappointed that he was exactly 1/2 an inch too short for 90% of the rides.
I hope to post some pictures soon, so until then it's late and I'm headed for bed... I'm still unpacking, doing laundry and tying up loose ends left from before the trip.
Hugs ~ B.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Updates and Randomness
I know I've been slacking on the posting part of this blog. I come here mostly to read what others have written because I'm nosy and then I head to bed. So I am dedicating this entry to what's been happening in my world for the last week or so.
I've officially begun the vacation countdown! For those who don't know, we are headed to Walt Disney World on April 23rd! Our kids still don't know and won't know until we arrive at the airport. This task of keeping such a big surprise a secret has become increasingly difficult as my excitement grows. It is also even more extremely difficult to pack and plan things out without kids knowing. I am quite nervous about traveling so far and flying with kids aged 6.5, 4, 4, 2.5. Yes the .5 makes a huge difference! Those with kids understand. :o) Anywho, I've been plotting, planning, list making and sorting for about 6 months now. What to take, how much, what to leave behind, what will entertain them, what won't... This list goes on for miles. I've now spent about 2 hours packing and have all clothing except my own packed. I also have half the toiletries packed and carry on stuff is starting to accumulate in my closet (which is where the luggage is also hidden). I still have tons to do, a shopping trip and at least another 2 hours of packing. One might wonder why it takes so long to put together 5 outfits per person for 6 people? Because I have to think about what colors will keep us cool, look for stains and or rips in the kids clothes. Make sure mine fit and I am happy with how I look. Gather everything together and wash it all. Make sure I have outfits and not misfits. And finally just double, triple and quadruple check everything. I'm a worrier, so I cannot have anything left undone. We still have 2 weeks before we leave, but I'm sure I will be rushing around at the last minute even with all of this preplanning!
Alright, on to another subject (I will blog about the trip before and after we leave I am sure).
We've been busy cleaning out our home and shed the last week or so. Trying to organize our smaller living space since we moved over 6 months ago. I'm definitely not a saver and already have 4 garbage bags full of stuff for yard sale season. Our community does a yard sale in May and a friend of mine is doing one in June. I hope to sell off most of it and what doesn't sell will head to Goodwill. I tend to purge the house about twice a year. Once in the spring and once right before Christmas making room for the presents the kids get. All of the kids are past the baby stages and so I have a ton of toys to get rid of! Hopefully the kids will let me. Dominic doesn't deal with change at all and is a pack rat to the extreme. Someday I will post pictures of his bed revealing proof! It's sad to know they are not babies anymore, but exciting to be able to relate to them and do more things with them. In a couple of years they will all be in my "perfect" age range to enjoy kids. I think from the ages of 5-10 or 11 are the "perfect" years for me. They are still young and believe in the magic of life, but yet able to talk to me and help me help them. They are independent and yet still need their mommy.
Okay, that's a whole other blog that I will dedicate to my kids....
So, onward. We had a great Easter just relaxing at home. I do believe this was the first holiday since Jesse and I met that we spent alone together with just our immediate family, meaning the 6 of us. Normally we travel to see family somewhere in MI. It was so nice not having a time schedule and being able to relax in our pjs for the morning. The kids loved their baskets from the Easter Bunny. They got mostly trinkets and small toys like puzzles. We do very little candy, because they somehow seem to end up with lots of candy no matter how little we buy. Thank you to banks who hand out sugar to my kids in our truck... It's the best place to give them sugar on a stick, while trapped in a vehicle and they cannot let the energy from it wear off... :-/ Oh well. It was my favorite part of the bank when I was a kid too.
We also got some projects we've been putting off started. And I can promise they will be finished before the week is out.
Well folks, I believe that is all. I do have a busy week ahead of me preparing for a party on Friday. I am looking into working from home for a company called Thirty-one. My house is in desperate need of a thorough cleaning, so I will be busy this week. Though I plan to blog Friday night about the party and my interest in the company. But until then....
Hugs ~ B.
I've officially begun the vacation countdown! For those who don't know, we are headed to Walt Disney World on April 23rd! Our kids still don't know and won't know until we arrive at the airport. This task of keeping such a big surprise a secret has become increasingly difficult as my excitement grows. It is also even more extremely difficult to pack and plan things out without kids knowing. I am quite nervous about traveling so far and flying with kids aged 6.5, 4, 4, 2.5. Yes the .5 makes a huge difference! Those with kids understand. :o) Anywho, I've been plotting, planning, list making and sorting for about 6 months now. What to take, how much, what to leave behind, what will entertain them, what won't... This list goes on for miles. I've now spent about 2 hours packing and have all clothing except my own packed. I also have half the toiletries packed and carry on stuff is starting to accumulate in my closet (which is where the luggage is also hidden). I still have tons to do, a shopping trip and at least another 2 hours of packing. One might wonder why it takes so long to put together 5 outfits per person for 6 people? Because I have to think about what colors will keep us cool, look for stains and or rips in the kids clothes. Make sure mine fit and I am happy with how I look. Gather everything together and wash it all. Make sure I have outfits and not misfits. And finally just double, triple and quadruple check everything. I'm a worrier, so I cannot have anything left undone. We still have 2 weeks before we leave, but I'm sure I will be rushing around at the last minute even with all of this preplanning!
Alright, on to another subject (I will blog about the trip before and after we leave I am sure).
We've been busy cleaning out our home and shed the last week or so. Trying to organize our smaller living space since we moved over 6 months ago. I'm definitely not a saver and already have 4 garbage bags full of stuff for yard sale season. Our community does a yard sale in May and a friend of mine is doing one in June. I hope to sell off most of it and what doesn't sell will head to Goodwill. I tend to purge the house about twice a year. Once in the spring and once right before Christmas making room for the presents the kids get. All of the kids are past the baby stages and so I have a ton of toys to get rid of! Hopefully the kids will let me. Dominic doesn't deal with change at all and is a pack rat to the extreme. Someday I will post pictures of his bed revealing proof! It's sad to know they are not babies anymore, but exciting to be able to relate to them and do more things with them. In a couple of years they will all be in my "perfect" age range to enjoy kids. I think from the ages of 5-10 or 11 are the "perfect" years for me. They are still young and believe in the magic of life, but yet able to talk to me and help me help them. They are independent and yet still need their mommy.
Okay, that's a whole other blog that I will dedicate to my kids....
So, onward. We had a great Easter just relaxing at home. I do believe this was the first holiday since Jesse and I met that we spent alone together with just our immediate family, meaning the 6 of us. Normally we travel to see family somewhere in MI. It was so nice not having a time schedule and being able to relax in our pjs for the morning. The kids loved their baskets from the Easter Bunny. They got mostly trinkets and small toys like puzzles. We do very little candy, because they somehow seem to end up with lots of candy no matter how little we buy. Thank you to banks who hand out sugar to my kids in our truck... It's the best place to give them sugar on a stick, while trapped in a vehicle and they cannot let the energy from it wear off... :-/ Oh well. It was my favorite part of the bank when I was a kid too.
We also got some projects we've been putting off started. And I can promise they will be finished before the week is out.
Well folks, I believe that is all. I do have a busy week ahead of me preparing for a party on Friday. I am looking into working from home for a company called Thirty-one. My house is in desperate need of a thorough cleaning, so I will be busy this week. Though I plan to blog Friday night about the party and my interest in the company. But until then....
Hugs ~ B.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Petrified
For the last couple of weeks I haven't been able to shake some thoughts that petrify me beyond belief. I don't know why I think these things or why I obsess over them, but I do. I think my biggest fear is losing Jesse or one of the kids. However, my thoughts always point to Jesse.
I think of all the "What would I do questions?" right down to "I have no idea where I'd even have his funeral." Morbid? Yes, I think it is... But I can't shake it. I really do have this sour feeling in my gut like I'm gonna loose him and be left to raise my children alone.
I think, "What in the hell would I do without him?" There are SO many things I rely on him for. Maintenance sums up what I have no knowledge of. But he's also our income so I can stay home because daycare is so expensive. I would have to work and raise the kids. How would I do that? I do know I'd move "home" which means back to Ludington. This would make me closer to family who could help. I also know we have great life insurance, so I'd be covered there for quite some time.
What I don't know is how I would survive without him. I know how much I've struggled losing my dad, I can't even begin to understand how I'd feel to not have Jesse. I also don't know how I'd be able to handle the kids alone. How could I help them deal with it all and deal with it myself?...
I hate these thoughts and the nasty feelings they leave inside me. I hate that I think of these things. And furthermore I hate that I think this way so often. Most of the time I don't even realize that is where my thoughts have slipped to until I feel the tears on my cheek.
I'm pretty sure this all has to do with losing my dad and a lot of other people close to me at relatively young ages. I think it is also related to watching my mom deal with life on her own for the first time ever (because she married at 18, so she went from her parents to my dad). And it may even be related to watching my brother raise his boys alone now, too (yes divorce sucks).
I need to find a way to feel secure in life again. I need to feel safe and happy. I want to let all of these worries go. Now, if someone could just tell me how.
Hugs ~ B.
I think of all the "What would I do questions?" right down to "I have no idea where I'd even have his funeral." Morbid? Yes, I think it is... But I can't shake it. I really do have this sour feeling in my gut like I'm gonna loose him and be left to raise my children alone.
I think, "What in the hell would I do without him?" There are SO many things I rely on him for. Maintenance sums up what I have no knowledge of. But he's also our income so I can stay home because daycare is so expensive. I would have to work and raise the kids. How would I do that? I do know I'd move "home" which means back to Ludington. This would make me closer to family who could help. I also know we have great life insurance, so I'd be covered there for quite some time.
What I don't know is how I would survive without him. I know how much I've struggled losing my dad, I can't even begin to understand how I'd feel to not have Jesse. I also don't know how I'd be able to handle the kids alone. How could I help them deal with it all and deal with it myself?...
I hate these thoughts and the nasty feelings they leave inside me. I hate that I think of these things. And furthermore I hate that I think this way so often. Most of the time I don't even realize that is where my thoughts have slipped to until I feel the tears on my cheek.
I'm pretty sure this all has to do with losing my dad and a lot of other people close to me at relatively young ages. I think it is also related to watching my mom deal with life on her own for the first time ever (because she married at 18, so she went from her parents to my dad). And it may even be related to watching my brother raise his boys alone now, too (yes divorce sucks).
I need to find a way to feel secure in life again. I need to feel safe and happy. I want to let all of these worries go. Now, if someone could just tell me how.
Hugs ~ B.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Nanny 9-1-1
Okay, I am going to admit right now, lately I feel as though I stink at parenting. I scream and yell all the time, even over silly little things like spilling water on the kitchen floor. I don't stop and play or read to the kids like I used to. And it's all showing!
I feel like I've completely lost control over my children. They are all so hyper and active all day long and I just can't seem to keep up. They don't respond to me anymore no matter how loud or soft my voice is. I feel like I don't sound authoritative any more to them because I'm all they hear day in and day out. If Jesse says something to them, they shape right up! It's becoming very frustrating.
I'm also getting very frustrated with myself. I know I can be a better parent than this. I also know that I've ridden the "I'm exhausted from my life" train way too long.
I know this is not okay and I need to bounce back into my parenting full force. I just have to.
People keep telling me it's okay to be this way. Or that I'm a good mother no matter what. That I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I've listened to them and blindly went along thinking I was doing a good job. But I'm not!
I have considered writing to the Nanny 9-1-1 or SuperNanny shows. I could really use some advice from someone who witnesses it all first hand. Someone objective, probably not from friends or family... They are usually bias or compare my situation to theirs. I'm not a spanker or a yeller by nature, so I need to find parenting techniques that really work for me and the kids. But, I truly believe my biggest problem is I used to be hands on and now I'm not. I sit back and just "bark" orders out and no one listens. Hands on definitely seems to be the better choice in our household.
Instead of always just saying that my kids come first, I need to get back to making them come first. Even if I feel too tired to chase them around the playground or even go outside for that matter. Even if one more piggy back ride seems just painful. Even if I just sat down and hear a cry from the other room... I need to get up and deal with my life.
Starts today, period.
Hugs ~B.
I feel like I've completely lost control over my children. They are all so hyper and active all day long and I just can't seem to keep up. They don't respond to me anymore no matter how loud or soft my voice is. I feel like I don't sound authoritative any more to them because I'm all they hear day in and day out. If Jesse says something to them, they shape right up! It's becoming very frustrating.
I'm also getting very frustrated with myself. I know I can be a better parent than this. I also know that I've ridden the "I'm exhausted from my life" train way too long.
I know this is not okay and I need to bounce back into my parenting full force. I just have to.
People keep telling me it's okay to be this way. Or that I'm a good mother no matter what. That I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I've listened to them and blindly went along thinking I was doing a good job. But I'm not!
I have considered writing to the Nanny 9-1-1 or SuperNanny shows. I could really use some advice from someone who witnesses it all first hand. Someone objective, probably not from friends or family... They are usually bias or compare my situation to theirs. I'm not a spanker or a yeller by nature, so I need to find parenting techniques that really work for me and the kids. But, I truly believe my biggest problem is I used to be hands on and now I'm not. I sit back and just "bark" orders out and no one listens. Hands on definitely seems to be the better choice in our household.
Instead of always just saying that my kids come first, I need to get back to making them come first. Even if I feel too tired to chase them around the playground or even go outside for that matter. Even if one more piggy back ride seems just painful. Even if I just sat down and hear a cry from the other room... I need to get up and deal with my life.
Starts today, period.
Hugs ~B.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Time to be selfish
I realized today that I rarely do things for myself. This includes just about everything from prioritizing my likes and interests to buying myself decent clothing to doing everyday things like showering or styling my hair. Yes I shower, but not daily anymore. I skip it to have more time to clean or make my kids look good. I know it's not good to avoid the me things in life, but I haven't found a great way to balance all of my time. I'm not very good at leaving things for tomorrow. If the house needs to be cleaned, I feel as though it can't wait. When in reality it can.
I've come up with the idea to reintroduce 2 things a week that I need to do for myself or things that I enjoy doing. My goal every week will be to incorporate those things into our daily routines and lives. These things will be as simple as showering daily to as complex as making time for me while still being a good parent.
This week I am starting with brushing my teeth twice a day (at least) and remembering to take my medication twice daily. My doctor put me on medication because my body doesn't utilize the insulin it makes to it's fullest degree. No, this is not diabetes, it's called insulin resistant. The meds help my body use the insulin it creates to it's fullest potential. When I remember to take the pills, I have more energy through out my day and sleep better at night. However, I am horrible with remembering to take them.
I have also gotten lazy on the parenting front. I let things slide or slip away because I'm too worn out or don't feel like dealing with it. That's not fair to my kids. Children thrive on routines and our kids don't really have one. That is something we need to change and I plan to start that as well. I figure if I'm on a mission to better myself, we as a family might just as well go right along with me! I'm coming up with a check list of things that need to be done every day for the kids. I'm also coming up with a check list of things they need to do to get ready for bed every night. Then I will laminate the lists and let them check off the things with a dry erase marker each day. I hope they will enjoy taking ownership for what they do AND being allowed to actually use a marker makes it all that much better! :o) These check lists will replace their chore charts and they will still be able to earn their rewards each week with this system.
I pray that all of my changes to our lives will help me to keep pushing through my own journey. I pray it will help me get back to the person I used to be and help me to be the best I can be for not only myself but my kids as well. I also pray it sets the example for my kids that there are things in life that must be done in order to do the things we want to be done. I also hope it helps them follow directions and rules a little better so I won't be so worried to take them out and do things with them.
All of these changes are really for me in an attempt to regain the control and order that has been lacking in my life since we got married. I feel as though I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm not. But either way I don't care. I need to try and if I'm wrong I will definitely be the first to admit it.
Hugs ~ B.
I've come up with the idea to reintroduce 2 things a week that I need to do for myself or things that I enjoy doing. My goal every week will be to incorporate those things into our daily routines and lives. These things will be as simple as showering daily to as complex as making time for me while still being a good parent.
This week I am starting with brushing my teeth twice a day (at least) and remembering to take my medication twice daily. My doctor put me on medication because my body doesn't utilize the insulin it makes to it's fullest degree. No, this is not diabetes, it's called insulin resistant. The meds help my body use the insulin it creates to it's fullest potential. When I remember to take the pills, I have more energy through out my day and sleep better at night. However, I am horrible with remembering to take them.
I have also gotten lazy on the parenting front. I let things slide or slip away because I'm too worn out or don't feel like dealing with it. That's not fair to my kids. Children thrive on routines and our kids don't really have one. That is something we need to change and I plan to start that as well. I figure if I'm on a mission to better myself, we as a family might just as well go right along with me! I'm coming up with a check list of things that need to be done every day for the kids. I'm also coming up with a check list of things they need to do to get ready for bed every night. Then I will laminate the lists and let them check off the things with a dry erase marker each day. I hope they will enjoy taking ownership for what they do AND being allowed to actually use a marker makes it all that much better! :o) These check lists will replace their chore charts and they will still be able to earn their rewards each week with this system.
I pray that all of my changes to our lives will help me to keep pushing through my own journey. I pray it will help me get back to the person I used to be and help me to be the best I can be for not only myself but my kids as well. I also pray it sets the example for my kids that there are things in life that must be done in order to do the things we want to be done. I also hope it helps them follow directions and rules a little better so I won't be so worried to take them out and do things with them.
All of these changes are really for me in an attempt to regain the control and order that has been lacking in my life since we got married. I feel as though I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm not. But either way I don't care. I need to try and if I'm wrong I will definitely be the first to admit it.
Hugs ~ B.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Challenge accepted!
So today I made up my mind to challenge myself as I had mentioned in my blog from a few days ago. I will outline my challenge in a little bit. But first I need to say that I am nervous. I am nervous that I will not do well, that I will fail... However, I need to try. Even if only a fraction of good comes out of this challenge I will be ecstatic!
Here's how things will go:
1. NO more pop
2. Complete the 16 minute Jillian Michaels workout 5 days a week
3. Complete either relaxation pilates or fat burning pilates daily (it takes less than half an hour)
4. Make the healthier choices in food, even if it's a small thing (like spray butter over tub or stick)
5. Do something outside daily as weather allows. IE walk, garden, chase kids, bike ride
6. Prioritize sleep over cleaning and other things I think are necessary but prolly are not... =)
I am not going to measure success in pounds or inches lost. I am going to measure success by how well I am able to follow these "rules." I want this to challenge Me to change my ways at a pace that will stick.
I'm not a very healthy eater, but I want to be. I am starting with what I think is the worst thing I put in my body, pop. I'm also not a very dedicated exerciser. That's why I really want to give this new workout a try, because it's short and Jillian "promises" you can't plateau or get bored. I also tend to be a hermit and stay inside as much as possible and I realize that is not fair to my kids who NEED to be outside to burn energy and be healthy, active kids. I also suffer from insomnia and I really must get past it. My sleep specialist says it takes a lot of time and conditioning of my body to sleep when and how long I need to.
I don't feel you can put a goal on these things, however, I am going to reevaluate in a month. That is the day before we head off on vacation. I probably won't exercise as much, but will be walking all day all week. I also won't be eating as healthy because it will be all restaurants... So I figure that is a good way to judge if what I am doing helps at all. Because after my 5 days "off" I will either see a difference in the way I feel and look or will see no difference. If there is no difference, then I will know my challenge was not as effective as I would have liked and will have to change something. Does that all makes sense? I hope so, because it does in my mind!
Here's to wishing myself a lot of luck and success!
Hugs ~ B.
Here's how things will go:
1. NO more pop
2. Complete the 16 minute Jillian Michaels workout 5 days a week
3. Complete either relaxation pilates or fat burning pilates daily (it takes less than half an hour)
4. Make the healthier choices in food, even if it's a small thing (like spray butter over tub or stick)
5. Do something outside daily as weather allows. IE walk, garden, chase kids, bike ride
6. Prioritize sleep over cleaning and other things I think are necessary but prolly are not... =)
I am not going to measure success in pounds or inches lost. I am going to measure success by how well I am able to follow these "rules." I want this to challenge Me to change my ways at a pace that will stick.
I'm not a very healthy eater, but I want to be. I am starting with what I think is the worst thing I put in my body, pop. I'm also not a very dedicated exerciser. That's why I really want to give this new workout a try, because it's short and Jillian "promises" you can't plateau or get bored. I also tend to be a hermit and stay inside as much as possible and I realize that is not fair to my kids who NEED to be outside to burn energy and be healthy, active kids. I also suffer from insomnia and I really must get past it. My sleep specialist says it takes a lot of time and conditioning of my body to sleep when and how long I need to.
I don't feel you can put a goal on these things, however, I am going to reevaluate in a month. That is the day before we head off on vacation. I probably won't exercise as much, but will be walking all day all week. I also won't be eating as healthy because it will be all restaurants... So I figure that is a good way to judge if what I am doing helps at all. Because after my 5 days "off" I will either see a difference in the way I feel and look or will see no difference. If there is no difference, then I will know my challenge was not as effective as I would have liked and will have to change something. Does that all makes sense? I hope so, because it does in my mind!
Here's to wishing myself a lot of luck and success!
Hugs ~ B.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Words cannot do these feelings justice.
It's going on 3 years since I lost my Dad to cancer. Today is just as painful as the day he left. I'm sure I'm not the only one in this world who has ever felt this way. But, in my family (the 6 of us), I am alone in my feelings. The kids were so little when he passed that they barely remember him. Keldan was just a month old so he will never remember. Jesse has yet to loose anyone even remotely close to him and currently has a dad and a father. Not to mention he is not nearly as close to any of his parents as I am to mine.
Today has been especially hard. These days happen from time to time. Today was one of them because I really needed my confidant. You see, I talked to my dad every day for probably the last 5 years of his life. And before that I lived at home so I saw him everyday. I know most daughters go to their mothers for advice and to just chat. For me it was my dad. I went to him for just about everything. He and I had the same thought process, we looked at things the same way. We had a lot of the same views and opinions. Kindred spirits is the way I like to look at our relationship.
To say he was my best friend doesn't do it justice. He was my comrade. My confidant. My rock. My hero. He taught me to stand up for myself. He taught me the "arts" of life. Because there is "an art to doing everything in this world, including melting butter in a frying pan." Yup, he said that to me one day when he was trying to teach me to cook something. :-)
I miss him. I long to hear his voice. I do miss his voice most of all because it meant he was here, somewhere on this world. It meant he was giving me advice or harassing the hell out of me or someone else. It meant we were arguing... I loved arguing with my dad, it's just the way we communicated. We argued over everything. It was the way of life. Neither of us were usually upset with the other, but in this way we hashed out all that was bothering us in our individual lives. We were probably arguing over a sporting event or something in the news, but it meant so much more than that. I wish I could explain it here, but I can't. I talked about it with Jesse tonight and he understood completely what I was saying, mostly because he witnessed it.
I miss his smile and his chuckle. His snicker because he thought he was right, always right. I miss seeing his eyes light up when the kids laughed or called him Grandpa. I miss seeing the pride on his face when our whole family was together. He lived for us. Day in and day out was for his family. It's why he kept going with chemo when the doctors told him it was time to think about just enjoying what time he had left. It's why he drove 2 hours to see Keldan be born even though he could barely walk.
I recently found a CD with a short video on it of a trip my parents took to Arizona. They went there every year to visit friends and get a break from the snow. I couldn't see my dad in the video but I could hear his voice in the background talking to someone about appliances of all things... He was an appliance repairman by trade and loved to share his knowledge with people. So the conversation didn't surprise me. What did surprise me were the instantaneous tears when I heard his voice. I think I listened to that CD at least 32 times that night. It was less than a minute long, but it felt like a lifetime to hear his voice! Oh how I will cherish that sill CD forever now.
I watch so many people in my life around me who just don't cherish it. They don't cherish what they have, instead they are worried about what they don't. They worry over other people, whom they have no control over. They smoke like chimneys or drink like fish.... They are wasting their lives away and don't care because "it'll never happen to them." I see, know and am related to so many people who think or act like they will live forever. There's always tomorrow. Well I'm here to tell you there's not always tomorrow.
The last day I saw my dad alive was July 18, 2009. I remember it very well because it was Dominic's birthday party. My entire immediate family came down to have our first complete family picture taken. My dad complained the whole time because he had to get up so early and the portrait studio was so cold (to him anyways). He wasn't feeling good and that was very apparent. When he left my house that day, he came to say goodbye. I had just gotten over a cold and didn't want to get him sick so told him he shouldn't hug or kiss me at all because with the chemo he didn't have an immune system. He told me it didn't matter, he was gonna hug his daughter anyways and then he kissed my cheek. I told him I'd see him the following weekend, he smile, nodded his head and slowly walked to his car. It was the last time I saw him "alive."
Two days later, on Dominic's 4th birthday, I got a call at 4 o'clock in the morning from my brother that Dad was at the hospital and they were gonna put him on a respirator because he couldn't breath very well on his own. I had known since the night before that he was at the hospital with pneumonia. Jesse works 3rd shift and we only had one car at the time, so he came home and drove me to Ludington while my aunt, who was visiting to help with the new baby, stayed with the kids. I got there around 7 am. It was a long day of nothing improving. He couldn't really talk to us because of the respirator. He died that night at 11:55 pm and a part of me died with him.
I will never be whole again, of that I am sure. Like I said, we were kindred spirits and a part of me is now gone.
I've been struggling the last couple of weeks with my life and my body/weight issues. And tonight I realized why I just can't seem to get past my bad mood. It's my dad that I would have called or visited to work through everything with. I've tried talking with both Jesse and my mom as well as a couple friends, but it's just not the same. I have been bottling this stuff up inside for over 2 years because I just can't find someone who understands nearly like Dad would. I know I need to let this go and move on, but I'm struggling to figure out how.
What I wouldn't give to talk to him once in awhile. Even just one more time. But I know I will eventually just wish for yet another one more time.
So here it is. I'm writing this all down to help me. I need to hash this out. I hope that by thinking these things through and being honest with myself and writing them down, I will somehow be able to move on.
I've read and reread this blog post. It is hard to stop and I feel like I'm rambling. So for now, I'm done. I know I will write again about my Dad or maybe to my Dad. But for tonight, this is all I have. No point, no sense of anything, just a lot of random feelings that need an outlet.
I miss you Daddy. I love you, too! I hope you are at peace and smiling down on me. Please, if you could, just a little guidance somehow will be so appreciated. I think about you everyday and remember you like it was just yesterday. xoxo
Hugs ~ B.
Today has been especially hard. These days happen from time to time. Today was one of them because I really needed my confidant. You see, I talked to my dad every day for probably the last 5 years of his life. And before that I lived at home so I saw him everyday. I know most daughters go to their mothers for advice and to just chat. For me it was my dad. I went to him for just about everything. He and I had the same thought process, we looked at things the same way. We had a lot of the same views and opinions. Kindred spirits is the way I like to look at our relationship.
To say he was my best friend doesn't do it justice. He was my comrade. My confidant. My rock. My hero. He taught me to stand up for myself. He taught me the "arts" of life. Because there is "an art to doing everything in this world, including melting butter in a frying pan." Yup, he said that to me one day when he was trying to teach me to cook something. :-)
I miss him. I long to hear his voice. I do miss his voice most of all because it meant he was here, somewhere on this world. It meant he was giving me advice or harassing the hell out of me or someone else. It meant we were arguing... I loved arguing with my dad, it's just the way we communicated. We argued over everything. It was the way of life. Neither of us were usually upset with the other, but in this way we hashed out all that was bothering us in our individual lives. We were probably arguing over a sporting event or something in the news, but it meant so much more than that. I wish I could explain it here, but I can't. I talked about it with Jesse tonight and he understood completely what I was saying, mostly because he witnessed it.
I miss his smile and his chuckle. His snicker because he thought he was right, always right. I miss seeing his eyes light up when the kids laughed or called him Grandpa. I miss seeing the pride on his face when our whole family was together. He lived for us. Day in and day out was for his family. It's why he kept going with chemo when the doctors told him it was time to think about just enjoying what time he had left. It's why he drove 2 hours to see Keldan be born even though he could barely walk.
I recently found a CD with a short video on it of a trip my parents took to Arizona. They went there every year to visit friends and get a break from the snow. I couldn't see my dad in the video but I could hear his voice in the background talking to someone about appliances of all things... He was an appliance repairman by trade and loved to share his knowledge with people. So the conversation didn't surprise me. What did surprise me were the instantaneous tears when I heard his voice. I think I listened to that CD at least 32 times that night. It was less than a minute long, but it felt like a lifetime to hear his voice! Oh how I will cherish that sill CD forever now.
I watch so many people in my life around me who just don't cherish it. They don't cherish what they have, instead they are worried about what they don't. They worry over other people, whom they have no control over. They smoke like chimneys or drink like fish.... They are wasting their lives away and don't care because "it'll never happen to them." I see, know and am related to so many people who think or act like they will live forever. There's always tomorrow. Well I'm here to tell you there's not always tomorrow.
The last day I saw my dad alive was July 18, 2009. I remember it very well because it was Dominic's birthday party. My entire immediate family came down to have our first complete family picture taken. My dad complained the whole time because he had to get up so early and the portrait studio was so cold (to him anyways). He wasn't feeling good and that was very apparent. When he left my house that day, he came to say goodbye. I had just gotten over a cold and didn't want to get him sick so told him he shouldn't hug or kiss me at all because with the chemo he didn't have an immune system. He told me it didn't matter, he was gonna hug his daughter anyways and then he kissed my cheek. I told him I'd see him the following weekend, he smile, nodded his head and slowly walked to his car. It was the last time I saw him "alive."
Two days later, on Dominic's 4th birthday, I got a call at 4 o'clock in the morning from my brother that Dad was at the hospital and they were gonna put him on a respirator because he couldn't breath very well on his own. I had known since the night before that he was at the hospital with pneumonia. Jesse works 3rd shift and we only had one car at the time, so he came home and drove me to Ludington while my aunt, who was visiting to help with the new baby, stayed with the kids. I got there around 7 am. It was a long day of nothing improving. He couldn't really talk to us because of the respirator. He died that night at 11:55 pm and a part of me died with him.
I will never be whole again, of that I am sure. Like I said, we were kindred spirits and a part of me is now gone.
I've been struggling the last couple of weeks with my life and my body/weight issues. And tonight I realized why I just can't seem to get past my bad mood. It's my dad that I would have called or visited to work through everything with. I've tried talking with both Jesse and my mom as well as a couple friends, but it's just not the same. I have been bottling this stuff up inside for over 2 years because I just can't find someone who understands nearly like Dad would. I know I need to let this go and move on, but I'm struggling to figure out how.
What I wouldn't give to talk to him once in awhile. Even just one more time. But I know I will eventually just wish for yet another one more time.
So here it is. I'm writing this all down to help me. I need to hash this out. I hope that by thinking these things through and being honest with myself and writing them down, I will somehow be able to move on.
I've read and reread this blog post. It is hard to stop and I feel like I'm rambling. So for now, I'm done. I know I will write again about my Dad or maybe to my Dad. But for tonight, this is all I have. No point, no sense of anything, just a lot of random feelings that need an outlet.
I miss you Daddy. I love you, too! I hope you are at peace and smiling down on me. Please, if you could, just a little guidance somehow will be so appreciated. I think about you everyday and remember you like it was just yesterday. xoxo
Hugs ~ B.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Ready for a challenge?
Am I ready to challenge myself in the workout/healthy lifestyle area of my life? I really don't know. I really, really want to, but I really, really don't want to fail. I think if I fail, I will quit trying and I definitely don't want that! Also, I'm tired of failing. So my dilemma becomes do I or don't I. And if I do, how much would be too much or too little? I guess I'm looking for some advice here.
My challenge idea revolves around the idea that I have the trip of a life time coming up, Walt Disney World! My in laws are taking our family and we leave April 23rd. That gives me 36 days to accomplish as much as possible. It's also a great kick start for summer softball training and conditioning... As well as setting the pace for the rest of my life!
What I was thinking is this:
*5 days a week, doing my 16 minute Jillian Michaels workout
*3 days a week going for a jog or brisk walk
*7 days a week of relaxation pilates or 3-5 days a week of toning pilates
*NO more pop
*NO more restaurant food (for the 36 days and then only if necessary like when traveling)
*Follow my portions and guidelines given by my nutritionist (follow to a "T")
Does this seem like a lot to ask? I've drastically cut down on the pop and restaurant food, so giving it up doesn't seem that hard. I've also cut back on my portions, but don't always make the best choices for my food so following guidelines may prove more difficult.
The part I'm worried about sticking to is the exercise. I think I can do at least half of it, but I really do want to challenge myself. And I think the relaxation pilates might help with my sleeping issues. However, my mid section is driving me nuts right now, so I thought that area may be better to focus on. IDK.
I'm not giving myself a weight goal or an inches lost goal. My only goal is to do these things as indicated. If I do that each and everyday of the next 36 days, then I will consider myself successful and my challenge completed!
Please, if you've read this blog, give me some advice! If you can't post it here, send me a private message on FB. Thanks! =)
My challenge idea revolves around the idea that I have the trip of a life time coming up, Walt Disney World! My in laws are taking our family and we leave April 23rd. That gives me 36 days to accomplish as much as possible. It's also a great kick start for summer softball training and conditioning... As well as setting the pace for the rest of my life!
What I was thinking is this:
*5 days a week, doing my 16 minute Jillian Michaels workout
*3 days a week going for a jog or brisk walk
*7 days a week of relaxation pilates or 3-5 days a week of toning pilates
*NO more pop
*NO more restaurant food (for the 36 days and then only if necessary like when traveling)
*Follow my portions and guidelines given by my nutritionist (follow to a "T")
Does this seem like a lot to ask? I've drastically cut down on the pop and restaurant food, so giving it up doesn't seem that hard. I've also cut back on my portions, but don't always make the best choices for my food so following guidelines may prove more difficult.
The part I'm worried about sticking to is the exercise. I think I can do at least half of it, but I really do want to challenge myself. And I think the relaxation pilates might help with my sleeping issues. However, my mid section is driving me nuts right now, so I thought that area may be better to focus on. IDK.
I'm not giving myself a weight goal or an inches lost goal. My only goal is to do these things as indicated. If I do that each and everyday of the next 36 days, then I will consider myself successful and my challenge completed!
Please, if you've read this blog, give me some advice! If you can't post it here, send me a private message on FB. Thanks! =)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I suppose, if I have to, I guess... >:- /
Alright, here's the deal. I hate working out! I don't feel as though I have time for it. I'm NOT a morning person... If I don't have to be up, then I'm not going to be. Working out during the day will never happen for me because the kids are home and for some strange reason I feel funny trying to exercise in front of them. Though I should because it'd be setting a great example. And night time is not really a great time either, because after over 12 hours of being with kids, I want me time! I want time to sit and relax as well as do chores that don't get done while they are awake.
This leaves me with what I feel are good excuses to not exercise. But the reality is, no excuse is a good enough one. I need to quit that. I need to just make the change. I need to give up that me time or start waking up earlier. I mean, I woke up early my entire life. Until after I was done with college. When I didn't find my career job, I started sleeping in and working nights as a waitress. This led to a very bad routine for me that I am having a hard time shaking. Yes, I do have to get up to get Dominic off to school, however, Jesse gets home at the same time he has to wake up and lately has been letting me sleep a bit longer! Man I love that guy!! Because sleep for me is hard to come by. When my dad passed away I developed insomnia and it just won't go away! I have the hardest time falling asleep. And I'm usually up once during the night with a child, so my sleep gets interrupted. After the last almost 3 years of this, I have a ton of sleep to catch up on... And Jesse has been trying to let me do just that.
However, I think this is making me lazy. I am having an even harder time getting moving in the morning. Being that I want to go back to work once the twins are in kindergarten, I had better get used to getting up early! So, now's the time to change. Because I do want to.
I need to make my life better for me. For my kids. For my husband. I need to start doing things for me, like exercising. Or daily showers. Or putting make-up on once in awhile. Or getting dressed instead of sweats all day. Yup, it's true, I've fallen into the homebody lifestyle and only do these things when absolutely necessary. And it's not okay. It used to be, but now it's not because I don't like myself this way. I'm not a lazy person and I need to find myself again.
So, to start, I am going to try to get up a little earlier and workout. I found a routine that only takes 16 minutes by Jillian Michaels. The problem currently is I have to order the magazine or go to the library and copy the article because it was January's issue the article was in... and February's issue is on the stands now. Grrr... That's just my luck.
But anyways, I figure I can handle 16 minutes a day. Then a shower and get dressed. I hope this leads to more energy through out my day and can take the kiddos on a walk or bike ride or play at the park later in the afternoon. Hopefully, if I get them out and wear off some of their energy, they will be more ready for bed at 8 o'clock instead of battling with them to stay in bed until 9! Then I would still have some me time and could go to bed when Jesse heads to work at 10:30.
Sounds perfect, now it's just getting it rolling and keeping it there! Wish me luck.
Hugs ~ B.
This leaves me with what I feel are good excuses to not exercise. But the reality is, no excuse is a good enough one. I need to quit that. I need to just make the change. I need to give up that me time or start waking up earlier. I mean, I woke up early my entire life. Until after I was done with college. When I didn't find my career job, I started sleeping in and working nights as a waitress. This led to a very bad routine for me that I am having a hard time shaking. Yes, I do have to get up to get Dominic off to school, however, Jesse gets home at the same time he has to wake up and lately has been letting me sleep a bit longer! Man I love that guy!! Because sleep for me is hard to come by. When my dad passed away I developed insomnia and it just won't go away! I have the hardest time falling asleep. And I'm usually up once during the night with a child, so my sleep gets interrupted. After the last almost 3 years of this, I have a ton of sleep to catch up on... And Jesse has been trying to let me do just that.
However, I think this is making me lazy. I am having an even harder time getting moving in the morning. Being that I want to go back to work once the twins are in kindergarten, I had better get used to getting up early! So, now's the time to change. Because I do want to.
I need to make my life better for me. For my kids. For my husband. I need to start doing things for me, like exercising. Or daily showers. Or putting make-up on once in awhile. Or getting dressed instead of sweats all day. Yup, it's true, I've fallen into the homebody lifestyle and only do these things when absolutely necessary. And it's not okay. It used to be, but now it's not because I don't like myself this way. I'm not a lazy person and I need to find myself again.
So, to start, I am going to try to get up a little earlier and workout. I found a routine that only takes 16 minutes by Jillian Michaels. The problem currently is I have to order the magazine or go to the library and copy the article because it was January's issue the article was in... and February's issue is on the stands now. Grrr... That's just my luck.
But anyways, I figure I can handle 16 minutes a day. Then a shower and get dressed. I hope this leads to more energy through out my day and can take the kiddos on a walk or bike ride or play at the park later in the afternoon. Hopefully, if I get them out and wear off some of their energy, they will be more ready for bed at 8 o'clock instead of battling with them to stay in bed until 9! Then I would still have some me time and could go to bed when Jesse heads to work at 10:30.
Sounds perfect, now it's just getting it rolling and keeping it there! Wish me luck.
Hugs ~ B.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Fate is not a choice!
I am going to put a disclaimer on this blog right now! It may come across one way to one person and another way to another person... I am not by any means regretting my life, but trust me I do have a lot on my mind about what fate has given me and I'm stressed out! So you may think I'm ungrateful at the end, but trust me I'm not... I'm just worn out. Beyond actually.
Let me set a couple of things straight right here and now, I did NOT choose this life. I did not choose 4 kids, I was given 4 kids. As a matter of a fact, I tried to prevent 2 of them and the other 2, well you don't get to choose twins, they just happen and they can happen to ANYONE.
I do understand that when I was younger, per say 16-22 year old, I dreamed of one day having 4 kids. I even dreamed of what twins would be like because they fascinate me! However, that was before I had any sort of grasp on what raising a child would entail. That was also before I spent around $60,000 to become a teacher and was not able to find a job.
Once I had our first baby, I realized 2 kids were going to be plenty. We also discussed maybe adopting a third because my husband was adopted and he always wanted to pay it forward and make another child's life as good as his parents did his.
However, this is not what life planned for me. We did not plan our first baby, he just happened, even though we took measures to prevent him. We did plan our second baby and got the surprise of a lifetime with our third because she was the twin. Then we decided our plate was overfull and yet ended up with a fourth baby (again tried to prevent him). The hardest thing with the 4th is he is only 15 months younger than the twins... They may as well have been triplets, it would have been easier in the long run!
Please do not think I regret any of my kids, because I don't. They are my life, they are the reason I stay home (even when it drives me crazy). They have become my heart and soul. I would have never traded them for anything and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing because then they wouldn't be here.
Please do understand however, it is not easy. I do have my hands full. I go many days in a row not talking to another adult except for hello and goodbyes to my husband as he heads to work or school or bed. This is what is stressing me. This is what is bringing down my mood.
We don't even get to go to a movie now and then. Nor dinner out, or even an extra hour of sleep. We don't get breaks. The only time our kids are gone is when we have a significant reason for them to be gone, like when we moved last summer. I honestly can't remember the last time they were all gone for a night.
If we do get to go out, we pay for it! Usually times two. First we pay a sitter for watching them, which is about $11.50 an hour for 4 kids! Then we pay physically or emotionally because they are either super tired from being picked up later and put to bed later or super hyper from running around with kids all day, and hence super cranky for the same reason. And our night out of relaxing is undone.
I do ultimately love my life, but lately a lot of people have been complaining about needing a break and they only have 1-2 kids. Some people think they need help because they are sick or can't sleep at night and tired all day or just haven't gotten away in a month. To those of you like that, you are spoiled. I'm sorry, but I don't get help. When I'm sick, I still have to take care of my kids... no one comes to live with me for a day or two so I can sleep. I don't have the option of calling up one of our parents on a whim and having them watch my kids because I got invited to do something. I have to turn those invites down. I'd really be interested to know what some of the people around me would do without their parents as babysitters. I think they'd be up a creek without a paddle!
I do have to admit my mom helps when she can, but she lives little over 2 hours away from me. Though she's been a wonderful listener lately and offered me a lot of moral support. I gotta say, I have a great mom and really do wish she lived a little closer.
So, is there a point to this blog? Why yes there is! My first point is this: I don't have time for myself. All I want is to be better myself. I just want half an hour 5 times a week to exercise so I can get healthy again. I want a few minutes a day to organize my house and plan out healthier meals. But I don't have the time. Some would say, they'd just make time. Well you folks are welcome to come to my house and show me how to make time. But if it means I'm going to have to sacrifice sleep, then it's a no go because I need sleep to have the energy to keep up with my kids! And to be alert while they are awake. I once dosed off and Keldan got a paring knife out of the drawer and Gillian tried to get it away from him and he ended up with a big cut on his hand. All in the couple of minutes that I nodded off.
My only other point is this: Don't judge me. My life did not come with an instruction booklet and I'm doing the best I can. If I get a little or a lot cranky from time to time, I feel I deserve to. Until you've walked a day in my shoes, don't think you know better than I do. Also, don't tell me I chose this life because I didn't. It was given to me. Just because I used to "dream" about what I wanted in my life doesn't mean I picked this out for myself. I also dreamed of being an awesome teacher and I never even got the chance to try that!
This will leave me with one of my favorite quotes that I think everyone should live by.
"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect - and I don't live to be, but before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean." Bob Marley
Hugs ~ B.
Let me set a couple of things straight right here and now, I did NOT choose this life. I did not choose 4 kids, I was given 4 kids. As a matter of a fact, I tried to prevent 2 of them and the other 2, well you don't get to choose twins, they just happen and they can happen to ANYONE.
I do understand that when I was younger, per say 16-22 year old, I dreamed of one day having 4 kids. I even dreamed of what twins would be like because they fascinate me! However, that was before I had any sort of grasp on what raising a child would entail. That was also before I spent around $60,000 to become a teacher and was not able to find a job.
Once I had our first baby, I realized 2 kids were going to be plenty. We also discussed maybe adopting a third because my husband was adopted and he always wanted to pay it forward and make another child's life as good as his parents did his.
However, this is not what life planned for me. We did not plan our first baby, he just happened, even though we took measures to prevent him. We did plan our second baby and got the surprise of a lifetime with our third because she was the twin. Then we decided our plate was overfull and yet ended up with a fourth baby (again tried to prevent him). The hardest thing with the 4th is he is only 15 months younger than the twins... They may as well have been triplets, it would have been easier in the long run!
Please do not think I regret any of my kids, because I don't. They are my life, they are the reason I stay home (even when it drives me crazy). They have become my heart and soul. I would have never traded them for anything and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing because then they wouldn't be here.
Please do understand however, it is not easy. I do have my hands full. I go many days in a row not talking to another adult except for hello and goodbyes to my husband as he heads to work or school or bed. This is what is stressing me. This is what is bringing down my mood.
We don't even get to go to a movie now and then. Nor dinner out, or even an extra hour of sleep. We don't get breaks. The only time our kids are gone is when we have a significant reason for them to be gone, like when we moved last summer. I honestly can't remember the last time they were all gone for a night.
If we do get to go out, we pay for it! Usually times two. First we pay a sitter for watching them, which is about $11.50 an hour for 4 kids! Then we pay physically or emotionally because they are either super tired from being picked up later and put to bed later or super hyper from running around with kids all day, and hence super cranky for the same reason. And our night out of relaxing is undone.
I do ultimately love my life, but lately a lot of people have been complaining about needing a break and they only have 1-2 kids. Some people think they need help because they are sick or can't sleep at night and tired all day or just haven't gotten away in a month. To those of you like that, you are spoiled. I'm sorry, but I don't get help. When I'm sick, I still have to take care of my kids... no one comes to live with me for a day or two so I can sleep. I don't have the option of calling up one of our parents on a whim and having them watch my kids because I got invited to do something. I have to turn those invites down. I'd really be interested to know what some of the people around me would do without their parents as babysitters. I think they'd be up a creek without a paddle!
I do have to admit my mom helps when she can, but she lives little over 2 hours away from me. Though she's been a wonderful listener lately and offered me a lot of moral support. I gotta say, I have a great mom and really do wish she lived a little closer.
So, is there a point to this blog? Why yes there is! My first point is this: I don't have time for myself. All I want is to be better myself. I just want half an hour 5 times a week to exercise so I can get healthy again. I want a few minutes a day to organize my house and plan out healthier meals. But I don't have the time. Some would say, they'd just make time. Well you folks are welcome to come to my house and show me how to make time. But if it means I'm going to have to sacrifice sleep, then it's a no go because I need sleep to have the energy to keep up with my kids! And to be alert while they are awake. I once dosed off and Keldan got a paring knife out of the drawer and Gillian tried to get it away from him and he ended up with a big cut on his hand. All in the couple of minutes that I nodded off.
My only other point is this: Don't judge me. My life did not come with an instruction booklet and I'm doing the best I can. If I get a little or a lot cranky from time to time, I feel I deserve to. Until you've walked a day in my shoes, don't think you know better than I do. Also, don't tell me I chose this life because I didn't. It was given to me. Just because I used to "dream" about what I wanted in my life doesn't mean I picked this out for myself. I also dreamed of being an awesome teacher and I never even got the chance to try that!
This will leave me with one of my favorite quotes that I think everyone should live by.
"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect - and I don't live to be, but before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean." Bob Marley
Hugs ~ B.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Don't deny it...
I have been thinking over several topics for my next couple of posts, trying to figure out what I wanted to write about most. It wasn't until just a few minutes ago when browsing facebook that I figured out what exactly I wanted to say first. I clicked a link on Carrie Underwood's new album cover and thought thus far it looked really awesome. Then I read some of the comments. Most of them said things along the lines of how beautiful Carrie is. Then there were the select few that said she's too thin and needs to eat a hamburger. It's those comments that bother me. I would do just about anything to look like Carrie.
It's not just strangers who make those comments, it's my friends too. My friends will say certain celebrities or even other people we know are too thin. I have to disagree. I don't care what people say, I know somewhere deep down, they have at one point wanted to be thin or slender like the celebrities. I think about 98% of women would be lying if they said they had never wished they could look so good. I also know a lot of people who say they don't care what other people think of them, but I know that is also not true. You do care... every time you put make up on, you show that you do care. Every single time you style your hair, you show that you do care. I think it's just part of being human and female.
I'm not gonna lie here, I can't think of anything else in the world (other than money) that I'd rather have than a lean, slender, beautiful body. Maybe that's because I've never had one. Maybe that's because I idealize it too much. Maybe it's because I'm a little vain. I don't know why, but it's what I want. I also wish I didn't have to work so hard to try and obtain that image for myself. I know if I keep it up and make the right choices I will get where I want to be. I just wish it was as easy as it looks.
So, the next time you want to criticize someone you may want to stop and think why you feel that way... Is it because you're jealous? Because you're better? Or because you are rude? Just think about it.
Hugs ~ B.
It's not just strangers who make those comments, it's my friends too. My friends will say certain celebrities or even other people we know are too thin. I have to disagree. I don't care what people say, I know somewhere deep down, they have at one point wanted to be thin or slender like the celebrities. I think about 98% of women would be lying if they said they had never wished they could look so good. I also know a lot of people who say they don't care what other people think of them, but I know that is also not true. You do care... every time you put make up on, you show that you do care. Every single time you style your hair, you show that you do care. I think it's just part of being human and female.
I'm not gonna lie here, I can't think of anything else in the world (other than money) that I'd rather have than a lean, slender, beautiful body. Maybe that's because I've never had one. Maybe that's because I idealize it too much. Maybe it's because I'm a little vain. I don't know why, but it's what I want. I also wish I didn't have to work so hard to try and obtain that image for myself. I know if I keep it up and make the right choices I will get where I want to be. I just wish it was as easy as it looks.
So, the next time you want to criticize someone you may want to stop and think why you feel that way... Is it because you're jealous? Because you're better? Or because you are rude? Just think about it.
Hugs ~ B.
Friday, March 2, 2012
I shopped and I saved!
Today was a mommy alone day. Those do not happen very often and when they do I pay for it, literally. I end up paying for daycare or a babysitter. For those of you who always have family such as parents or close friends to watch your kids, consider yourselves very lucky. You should think about how much less you'd go out if you had to pay $2.95/hr per child to do so. It adds up quickly.
Anywho, I chose to spend my day doing some retail therapy! Highly unnecessary, but highly needed as well. And, to justify myself even more, I saved money at each store. First groceries. At Meijer I spent $70, but I saved $34. Then presents. At JcPenney, I spent $22, but saved $26. Finally just for me and the whopper of all whoppers. I challenge someone to beat this one... At Kohls I spent $116, but saved $277!!! How's that for savings? That's over double what I spent. Paying daycare today became very well worth it.
I probably didn't "need" the items I bought, but I've waited a long time for them. I bought house items, serving dishes, place mats and table clothes for Easter, and a few other neat things. I love buying these things. I love decorating and making my environment look pretty. After the week I've had, this becomes almost a necessary mission... To make my environment look pretty! Let me explain.
I spend the majority of my week inside my house. I am a stay at home mom with 3 little kids at home and 1 in first grade. My husband works 3rd shift and attends college twice a week. I spend around 3/4 of my week alone, lacking adult interaction of any kind (what I wouldn't give for a play date or a half hour lunch break). I also live in a rented home. I do love where we are, but the walls are all plain, a creamy color. The carpet is brown, the counters are tan... Everything blends together. I like color and pop. I like pretty. Being that I am the only one here to help myself stay sane, I needed to spice things up a bit. I very excited with my purchases and cannot wait to show them off to company (when we do finally get some).
Now, I am going to pay for my day off again. Because now I have to do all the chores and things I neglected all day. I have about 6 loads of laundry to fold/put away and 3 more to wash. Dishes to wash and even more dishes to put away. Then there's vacuuming, liter boxes, sweeping, picking up toys... the list could go on and on. Hello very late bedtime and goodbye blog!
Hugs ~ B.
Anywho, I chose to spend my day doing some retail therapy! Highly unnecessary, but highly needed as well. And, to justify myself even more, I saved money at each store. First groceries. At Meijer I spent $70, but I saved $34. Then presents. At JcPenney, I spent $22, but saved $26. Finally just for me and the whopper of all whoppers. I challenge someone to beat this one... At Kohls I spent $116, but saved $277!!! How's that for savings? That's over double what I spent. Paying daycare today became very well worth it.
I probably didn't "need" the items I bought, but I've waited a long time for them. I bought house items, serving dishes, place mats and table clothes for Easter, and a few other neat things. I love buying these things. I love decorating and making my environment look pretty. After the week I've had, this becomes almost a necessary mission... To make my environment look pretty! Let me explain.
I spend the majority of my week inside my house. I am a stay at home mom with 3 little kids at home and 1 in first grade. My husband works 3rd shift and attends college twice a week. I spend around 3/4 of my week alone, lacking adult interaction of any kind (what I wouldn't give for a play date or a half hour lunch break). I also live in a rented home. I do love where we are, but the walls are all plain, a creamy color. The carpet is brown, the counters are tan... Everything blends together. I like color and pop. I like pretty. Being that I am the only one here to help myself stay sane, I needed to spice things up a bit. I very excited with my purchases and cannot wait to show them off to company (when we do finally get some).
Now, I am going to pay for my day off again. Because now I have to do all the chores and things I neglected all day. I have about 6 loads of laundry to fold/put away and 3 more to wash. Dishes to wash and even more dishes to put away. Then there's vacuuming, liter boxes, sweeping, picking up toys... the list could go on and on. Hello very late bedtime and goodbye blog!
Hugs ~ B.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Just starting out
Hello world. Welcome to my blog.
My blog, how cool is that? I have to say that ever since I watched the movie Julie and Julia, I've wanted to have a blog. I could just never figure out what to write about. Nor was I sure that the things I have to write about would be worth sharing. However, as I find myself wishing I could have more interaction with people who are aged in the double digits, I decided to amuse myself and give it a shot.
Here's the few things I can guarantee with this blog. One, don't be surprised by what you read here. I plan to write about all aspects of my life and if you don't like it then don't read it! I do however welcome feedback when appropriate. Two, I will not write everyday at first or maybe not ever. I just don't have the time for such things. Three, I will be laying my thoughts and feelings out on the line for everyone in the world to read, please be aware I am a human and hurtful comments may lead to hurtful rebuttals. :o) Four and finally, I am doing this for ME. Not for anyone else. Not because I want an online journal. Not to get everyone in the world's opinion of me. Simply for me and whatever reason I come up with at the time I post on here.
Alright folks, there you have it. My first blog entry. Short, simple. I'm excited to start this and hope I can keep it up as much as I'd like to. Take care and goodnight.
Hugs ~ B.
My blog, how cool is that? I have to say that ever since I watched the movie Julie and Julia, I've wanted to have a blog. I could just never figure out what to write about. Nor was I sure that the things I have to write about would be worth sharing. However, as I find myself wishing I could have more interaction with people who are aged in the double digits, I decided to amuse myself and give it a shot.
Here's the few things I can guarantee with this blog. One, don't be surprised by what you read here. I plan to write about all aspects of my life and if you don't like it then don't read it! I do however welcome feedback when appropriate. Two, I will not write everyday at first or maybe not ever. I just don't have the time for such things. Three, I will be laying my thoughts and feelings out on the line for everyone in the world to read, please be aware I am a human and hurtful comments may lead to hurtful rebuttals. :o) Four and finally, I am doing this for ME. Not for anyone else. Not because I want an online journal. Not to get everyone in the world's opinion of me. Simply for me and whatever reason I come up with at the time I post on here.
Alright folks, there you have it. My first blog entry. Short, simple. I'm excited to start this and hope I can keep it up as much as I'd like to. Take care and goodnight.
Hugs ~ B.
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